Siblings keep contact with PD parents for the 'inheritance'

[mary_poppins]

My brothers keep in touch with my parents because my parents gave them money over the years and promised them an inheritance. I once heard my father say that he will take his adult sons and show them where the inheritance land is-so they can use it after he's gone; my parents' inheritance is: an apartment in the city, land in the countryside (this land makes them some money-not sure how much) and a big house-this house is in disrepair and needs to be rebuilt but it's a house anyway).

Uhm, what about me? He never said anything to me about any inheritance. Did he ever think for a second that I might be interested in it? Or that it's not fair to make favours to your adult sons and keep your adult daughter in the dark about it?

Anyway, I am 100% out of their game and not interested in ANY material possession they have. But their intentions are dark and mean and disrespectful towards their only daughter.

However, my brothers are materialistic and they want the material benefit from being in touch with their parents. The price they pay? They need to stay in touch and dance as their abusive parents sing. Why would you ruin your life by accepting financial help from narcissistic parents who come with a hidden agenda? These people do not know how to love their children and everything they give to them is CONDITIONAL.

Do my siblings know this and don't care?

[Poison Ivy]

Many people are like you; many people are like your brothers. Accepting that different people make different choices in these situations is generally positive for one's mental health.

[sandpiper]

My mother's family was like this. My maternal grandparents used all sorts of manipulative strategies to try to control their three children. Because my mother died when I was a child I inherited her position in this fray and from the get-go I didn't like it. Any situation where there isn't an even division of inheritance for the children is by it's nature toxic and designed to create unhappy relationships.
I made the decision to step out of that and enjoy my freedom.
Perhaps somewhere in a parallel universe another me is still trapped there, still putting up with that BS. Unless you get a good lawyer involved, and you can afford to do that, there's only one way to free yourself from that and my 2c worth is that this was the financial value of being free of them.
Sometimes I'll take a look on the real estate websites and calculate what my mother might have inherited and passed on to us if she'd lived, but the reality is that my freedom and having NC with them was worth it.
I have a spiritual side, and I hope that my grandfather got to the next life and realised what a horrible set of narcissistic monsters he created by luring one particular child with his money, and in doing so, losing the love and respect of two far more worthy children. That's his legacy of harm and in some other realm, my grandfather has to live with the damage that he has sent ricocheting down the line.
I got a few thousand dollars from that. I spent it all on therapy and I learned how to set boundaries and walk away from abusers.
That was the best investment I could ever have made.
I get it, though.
One of the things I learned in T is that it's not just about the money, it's about coming to the realisation that they equate money with love, and coming to the understanding that they are simply unable to value you.
My T - and these boards - encouraged me to take a big step back from people who are unable to see me and unable to love or value me, and to build a life with those that do.
Invaluable advice, when you are dealing with a family of self-serving manipulative abusers.
 

[Rebel13]

One of the things I learned in T is that it's not just about the money, it's about coming to the realisation that they equate money with love, and coming to the understanding that they are simply unable to value you.

Boom! So true. My mother attempted to use money to manipulate my sibling and me. It never really worked on me. I preferred the freedom of making my own way in the world as soon as I could, even though that's a very hard road sometimes. I don't believe the road of trying to manage them so they will keep paying for things would have been any smoother -- just rocky in a different way. It just depends on the person, I guess. The goodies were never worth the price, to me. Many years later, I have a good life, and I'm happy I chose as I did. I hope you will be too.