Here we go…

[NBRiverGuy]

Isn't it fascinating that most of us have these physiological reactions to the PD wackos in our lives? I thought I might have been unique, clearly not.

I can't remember if you're doing any type of psychotherapy, but when I explained my home situation to my therapist, one of the first things she asked was, "Are you having any physical reactions to the stress?" I had not really connected the two up to that point.

[square]

Like Maxed Out, I'm not naturally an anxious person, I feel anxiety about the normal life stressors like anyone else, but no chronic anxiety issues.

But living on a minefield changes things.

[square]

It's a shame that your normal feelings of being somewhat withdrawn after a divorce threat are weaponized against you.

[SonofThunder]

It's a shame that your normal feelings of being somewhat withdrawn after a divorce threat are weaponized against you.

Agree, and it's classic PD behavior.  I personally believe that 'self' always leads for a PD.  As much as I could vilify my PDw as being focused on hurting me, it assisted my understanding and planning to know I was really not the centerpiece of her manipulative abuse, but rather the hunger of 'self'.  I am just a tool that provides potential food. 

I was surely a target for her attacks, but imo its actually the reaction of the target that comes back to the PD as supply to feed that hungry 'self'.  Therefore why the toolbox is SO powerful, as we can be in full self-control of our actions/reactions to manipulative abuse.  Even if the PD's cast is right on the money, it's not much of a meal if the PD does not receive the desired reaction in the return.

Imo thats why we non's who are becoming adept at the toolbox, irritate the PD progressively more. They are getting hungrier all the time vs prior to our toolbox skills and therefore imo, why they turn the heat up.  Eventually, if the non's toolbox skills are consistently effective in self-control of action/reaction in any situation, the PD will eventually add the IDD cycle's second D of discard in order to feed.  Been there. 

In encouragement, know that script-flipping projection like Pig wrestler is now experiencing is imo motived by 'self' so that Mrs Pig can reel in a meal of victimhood.  Pig wrestler, you personally are not the main course, but your reaction is the key ingredient for the main dish of 'self'. Give her nothing to work with. 

The rewarding part for me became knowing that when Mrs SoT reeled in her casts, it was just steady minnows, which frustrated the daylights out of her because she was accustomed to reeling in a keeper. Thats not my problem, as i'm simply applying self-control to my actions/reactions and her 'self' feeding fishing was coming up short. 

That mindset in understanding also kept me calm, realizing that if I was not allowing myself to be food any longer, that my PDw would get a meal elsewhere, therefore its the hunger that's really running the show. 'Self' is the center of focus. 

#motiveiseverything

SoT