Thank You Everyone

[Feathers]

Greetings All,

May I begin this first post with a sincere thank you to all who contribute to this marvelous website. The treasure trove of information and resources within the tabs and toolbox above, to the wealth of compassionate experience and support throughout the forums make Out of the FOG a truly special place indeed. I am so very grateful to have discovered this enriching oasis along my continuing journey of learning, healing and growth from the anguishing shadow world of covert emotional and psychological misuse and abuse (spousal in my instance).

I have grappled with this initial post finding it difficult to convey decades of acquiescence, emotional dismissals, verbal interruptions, hostility, irrational rages, passive aggression, silences and silencing etc accompanied with a multitude of side orders that come with the aforementioned menu. 40 odd years of endurance and draining self compromise to maintain a calm co-existence within an utterly unbalanced relationship. The irony of a lifetime working exhaustively to cultivate healthy, constructive, open communication with an emotionally unregulated uPD to take a tentative step up to the proverbial podium here and draw a blank, lol.

As many of you may know too well, it can be overwhelming to condense into a few brief paragraphs that which has been firmly corked for a long time. But after many months here reading articles, links, toolbox tips and forum posts, I know that I am fortunate to find myself amongst kindreds. So many wise and articulate participants help make this a safe and comfortable place to explore our individual paths with a sense of comradery and knowing that recipients of covert darkness understand uniquely. Every moment of time I am able to spend here, I am humbled by everyone's openness that allow for us to learn more about ourselves and the PD people we navigate around that strongly resonate through the shared experiences within these forum pages.  Thank you all again for your contributions to this wonderful site.

Feathers bio:
Female, old, non, 45 years squandered with uPDmp (mp = male person or my parasite )
Mr Feathers and I have been co-habitant since 1980. Always knew something was off with him, chalked it up to bad anger management hangover from an unpleasant childhood. Spent many pre-internet years at the library trying to understand the dynamics, what role I might be contributing and how best to manage and diffuse the cold, uncommunicative, indifferent and unpredictable bomb in my home.

Fast forward to 2017. Had an epiphany when I was able to put the missing uPD puzzle piece into place and the picture became complete. Finally, everything squared. The end. From all I had learned over the years of personality disorders and emotional dysregulation, I knew the old road I was on for so long had come to it's end and a new compass heading was set with a different road to travel ahead of me.

The years since have been and remain focused on amicable exit, peace, forgiveness, never ending knowledge, healing and gratitude. I am so very glad to be here and chuffed that you are all here too.

Thank you for reading,
Feathers

[bloomie]

Feathers - welcome to the community! We are grateful for people like you, and the courageous others in this community, who are willing to share their journey through to healing and wholeness. In doing that, we strengthen ourselves and uplift others at different places in their own unfolding stories.

The support and insights I have found here cannot be quantified and have helped me in ways that are unique and valuable. When we read bits of our own stories in the words of someone we have never met as they share, it speaks to parts of our hearts and souls that have been isolated for so long. That is such good medicine I find!

It is daunting to begin to share our experiences here, and yet, your words describing your experiences in a decades long marriage with an uPDH are spot on and had me nodding along in understanding as I was reading.

What a long way you have come in your awakening and understanding of the behaviors and relational habits of your H. I look forward to supporting you and seeing you out there on the forum boards! 

[notrightinthehead]

A very warm welcome from me too! You are amongst people who understand and share your experiences. See you around.

[SonofThunder]

And another warm welcome to Out of the FOG, Feathers. I second NRITH and bloomie.  I also enjoyed your writing style and the introduction to your background.  Again welcome to this great community and I look forward to interacting with around the boards. You are truly not alone in your experiences!

SoT

[Mutualist]

I've just discovered the site too!

Who else finds it scary that all/most NPD's are so predictable and follow the same patterns?

[LemonLime]

Welcome Feathers!   I too enjoy your writing style.  I hope you'll continue to post.

Mutualist....yes, it's a bit scary to me that PDs are so predictable.  But also reassuring in some way to me, as we can speak in some generalities about them and be understood.  I have found some solace in discerning the cycles of my PD sib and now being about to "watch" the cycles from afar, instead of being churned up and ripped to shreds by them.  Son of Thunder has been particularly helpful in my understanding of the Karpman Drama Triangle and how the PD will remain in Victim mode as long as possible, and use Persecutor mode to put themself back into Victim mode when necessary.  It's fascinating in a morbid kind of way.  And now my knowledge is my superpower, I feel.  It has helped me remain sane in this crazy PD thing that invaded my FOO. 
One thing I still struggle with is the futility of trying to make people in my Family of Choice understand the PD paradigm.  They just can't.  Thanks to you all for understanding.

[Feathers]

Feathers - welcome to the community! We are grateful for people like you, and the courageous others in this community, who are willing to share their journey through to healing and wholeness. In doing that, we strengthen ourselves and uplift others at different places in their own unfolding stories.

The support and insights I have found here cannot be quantified and have helped me in ways that are unique and valuable. When we read bits of our own stories in the words of someone we have never met as they share, it speaks to parts of our hearts and souls that have been isolated for so long. That is such good medicine I find!

It is daunting to begin to share our experiences here, and yet, your words describing your experiences in a decades long marriage with an uPDH are spot on and had me nodding along in understanding as I was reading.

What a long way you have come in your awakening and understanding of the behaviors and relational habits of your H. I look forward to supporting you and seeing you out there on the forum boards!

bloomie, what a lovely warm welcoming message, thank you. I so agree with your sentiments. The portion of your post that I have bolded highlights this perfectly. Your beautifully written words brought a lump to my throat because they resonate both thoughtfully and viscerally, I understand completely. So many thanks again.

 

[Feathers]

A very warm welcome from me too! You are amongst people who understand and share your experiences. See you around.

Thank you for the welcome nrith, so very much appreciated. Love your username btw, it's a soundbite I've looped silently in my head thousands of times when mentally checked out during a Mr Feathers meltdown.

[Feathers]

And another warm welcome to Out of the FOG, Feathers. I second NRITH and bloomie.  I also enjoyed your writing style and the introduction to your background.  Again welcome to this great community and I look forward to interacting with around the boards. You are truly not alone in your experiences!

SoT

Thank you for the welcome SoT, I feel quite blessed to have found Out of the FOG and am enjoying the interesting and insightful conversations and helpful guidance to resources. Thank you for all you contribute here.