Hello Everyone

[Mutualist]

Guys,

This looks like a very interesting site.

I'm in a much better place this Christmas than I was last.

Despite years of couples counselling, in April this year I finally found the needle in the haystack that was sabotaging my relationship (I discovered that I'd married a narcissist!) and has all been relatively straightforward from there.

I'm now divorced, the family home is sold and my biggest concern, my 11-year-old seems to be dealing with it surprisingly well.

The only issue I'm having is how none of my close friends and family can see what's happened. Not only this, but they don't want to know.

I'm quite happy to turn my back on them (this isn't a problem), but I'm struggling when people ask how I am.

I know I should say something like "Yes, very well thank you.", but with some people I want to say more – and I know this is a mistake.

I assume coming to terms with this is all part of the healing process.

Anyone else experienced/experiencing this?

Would very much appreciate your thoughts.

[bloomie]

Hi, Mutualist! Welcome to Out of the FOG!

Thank you for sharing a bit of what brings you to the community with us. It sounds like you have made great strides since finding that needle in the haystack. When clarity comes as to what the behaviors and choices of loved one are indicating, it does change everything. 

I wonder what is behind this observation: "The only issue I'm having is how none of my close friends and family can see what's happened. Not only this, but they don't want to know."

This is a big issue and people we count on.. close family and friends, showing no insight or interest in one of the hardest things one can go through is deeply hurtful and inexplicable. It makes perfect sense you are at a bit of a loss how to respond when asked how you are. I am so sorry this is what you are experiencing. 

My hope for you is that the support and compassion in this community of fellow travelers will be a place you can share how you are and others will understand and walk alongside you as you heal. I'm thankful you are here.

[Rebel13]

My hope for you is that the support and compassion in this community of fellow travelers will be a place you can share how you are and others will understand and walk alongside you as you heal. I'm thankful you are here.

This is so true, bloomie, and Mutualist, this has been my experience too -- that many, maybe most, people, don't want to know about our family difficulties. Either their experience is so different that they cannot relate, or our words highlight unresolved difficulties for them that they'd rather not think about. I feel lucky to have found a few trusted folks who DO understand, including people on this forum. For the rest of the world, I DO often summon that fake smile and "I'm fine, thanks," or maybe sometimes something closer to the truth but still easy to handle for others, like, "Oh, I'm going through some stuff, but I have support and I know I'll be fine." It's difficult to feel so isolated, but unfortunately that seems to be the state of the place and time we live in.

Wishing you all the best.