How did uOCPD parents have TIME for that?

[Call Me Cordelia]

Merry Christmas! Taking a moment from the midst of my own family Christmas, with a nursing little one awake who has no idea about Christmas yet, but the brothers and sisters will all be awake soon enough!

It's inevitable that we think back to childhood memories, but right now I'm marveling at how my parents had TIME to be the way they were. My husband and I are I think very intentional about what we choose to do in general because we only have so much in the way of personal energy and much of it is gone on day to day responsibilities (see also: nursing baby). So I also try not to compare but some of the things important to my parents at holiday time were just dumb. Just so dumb and how on earth did they have time for that.

For checking that our popcorn strings contained ten popcorns and then one cranberry. For making cranberry breads for everyone from teachers and bus drivers and the waitress at the pizza place we went to. And on and on.

Not going to have time to finish my thoughts here, predictably, but Nerry Christmas to you all. I'm grateful for you!

[treesgrowslowly]

Hi Call me Cordelia,

Merry Christmas to you and your family!

I have sometimes wondered about the time use of emotionally immature people I know. Like, the stuff they spend their time on, is just not the same as what I've ever had time for. I figure, that they save a lot of time by not ever thinking about other people, or doing any sort of growing or self-improvement work.

Trees

[walking on broken glass]

Merry Christmas!
I agree: they focus on ridiculous details which probably made them feel like good parents and magnanimous but they completely missed the important stuff.

Here's to us not perpetuating the pain!

[SeaBreeze]

Merry Christmas to you and yours!

In those final few years before I left ex-uNPDh, one thing that helped me MC and/or no JADE was the realization I had better things to do with my time! I then had an epiphany that one of ex's biggest abuse tactics was dominating my time. One reason I finally left was I no longer wanted to waste literal time in a PD marriage with what years I have left of my life. Time truly is a precious commodity! I certainly enjoyed PD-free time with my family last night on Christmas Eve. 

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Merry Christmas, CMC and everyone!  Being around young children is magical this time of year (and always, really).  Enjoy it!

[Call Me Cordelia]

Merry Christmas!
I agree: they focus on ridiculous details which probably made them feel like good parents and magnanimous but they completely missed the important stuff.

Here's to us not perpetuating the pain!

Bingo! The amount of time and effort that went into putting two different colors of ribbon and a handmade ornament "topper" on each of about fifty breads showed where the priority was. They were made individually with washing all the utensils in between each one because multiplying a basic quickbread recipe simply ruins it.  Maximum martyr mom value. Of course it was all for us girls. My bus driver may have felt special, but I felt invisible, every year. It took me years to even recognize that, because my mom did work so darn hard for Christmas.

I sure hope I don't perpetuate the pain. I will admit I'm pretty wiped out today!

[doglady]

Oh yes, this certainly brings back memories of all the tiny details and the pointless time-sucking activities my uPDm engaged herself with around Xmas!!! Or should I say, she delegated to other FOO members. Which always led to chaos, disorder and intense stress for uPDm because she was just 'so busy' (and therefore very important) - in fact in my uPDm's case she was 'the busiest person in the district!'

I do not miss this at all. Christmas has been so much more relaxing since I went NC with most FOO.

Happy Xmas all!

[treesgrowslowly]

 

I skipped the PD dinners yesterday and I felt so much relief. The gifts they sent over.  They spend their time in such ridiculous ways. After all these years, have not bothered to get to know anyone they buy 'gifts' for.

Trees

[walking on broken glass]

My sister used to get me the sort of generic gifts that you give people you don't know that well, like towels, sets of body scrub and body wash etc. or moisturisers that eliminate wrinkles 😂 Of course she always presented them as if they were the greatest gifts in the world. I am so happy I opted out of the gift-giving this year and decided not to give her anything. I am sure she will make a big show of it, if she brought any gifts for me.

[Liketheducks]

Merry Christmas, you cycle breaker you.   

[TimetoHeal]

Merry Christmas!

I agree they focus on stuff that makes absolutely no matter to anyone except them (my mom still does this), and neglect to do the important things like just sit and talk and listen to somebody else.  I guess because they are incapable of doing these things.

Anyway, enjoy your FOC and the important memories you are making with them!

[treesgrowslowly]

 

It took me years to realize this. Because they can't socialize with others in very good ways, at least not for very long, or with any depth, they busy themselves with activities.

Trees