Hi!

[true2me]

Hi Everyone! I have been lurking here for a while but finally decided to join the conversation. My uNPD husband and I have been married for over 30 years and have 4 adult children. It has been quite the ride. Everyday it feels like I am fighting for my sanity. What is so funny is that I graduated college with a degree in Sociology with an emphasis in Deviant Behavior and ended up with what I believe is a Covert Narcissist. I don't even know where to start. When I look back, I can see the breadcrumbs. He was brought up with a rigid mother and father and he was never good enough. Unfortunately, most his siblings say that. Anyway, I deal with someone who is so fragile that he is unable to handle anyone who thinks differently than he does. There is no such thing as a normal conversation. Everything is a debate which must end with him being correct and you are just wrong. Gaslighting is/was his favorite pastime. Thank God I journal so I could refute many things that were/are said. Our children have dealt with various issues and I, only I, have participated in therapy with them. I also see a therapist from time to time. During the past 3 years I have been better at setting boundaries. I am financially dependent on him so leaving isn't an option at this time. I am working on a plan to set myself up for financial independence.

[SonofThunder]

Hi true2me,

A very warm welcome to Out of the FOG!  You are among great folks and so very many in similar situations. I was married to my uPDw for over 30 years. You are not alone. 

I recommend you slide on up to the Personality Disorders tab and keeping the top 100 traits found there in your mind, move over one tab to the right and make the Toolbox tab your campsite.  I like to think of the topical forum boards as meadows along the many trails that we all walk together. In each meadow is a campfire with a large circle of chairs and always a few seats left open for hikers to arrive.

So, while you bed-down at the Toolbox tab for assistance along the trails of your life with a uNPD spouse, please find an empty chair at one of the campfires, rest your weary feet and jump right in the conversations. 

Oh also, if you are not familiar with Dr Ramani's YouTube channel, I highly recommend you watch in private.  See you around the boards. 

SoT

[true2me]

PW and SoT,

Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm sure I will learn much from you both and others around here.
I am a HUGE fan of Dr. Ramani. She has been an excellent resource. Also Dr. Les Carter who is also on You Tube.

[Deby64]

True2me,
I am glad you are here. Just reading your intro brought tears to my eyes. I can relate so deeply. I have been with my husband for 4 years, we too have 4 grown children. I obtained several degrees and work in the MH field. Looking back, I see now I was obtaining education in hopes of fixing myself or us. I have learned that  there is no right or wrong with my husband. I choose peace, so I allow him to say what he wants and my response is "Yes, I can see how you see it that way." or if I do agree with some of his rambling I agree quickly with my adversary so he will flee. I too just joined today and truly believe God led me her to also maintain my sanity. I don't leave because of the 40 invested years, he mostly depends on me for the financial stability of our family. Of course, he will never see it that way. He hasn't held down a job with taxable income in over 10 years, but his odd and in jobs keeps us going in his unstable mind. Praise God you are her, I hope we both begin to heal in the company of like minded people.

[SonofThunder]

PW and SoT,

Thank you for the warm welcome. I'm sure I will learn much from you both and others around here.
I am a HUGE fan of Dr. Ramani. She has been an excellent resource. Also Dr. Les Carter who is also on You Tube.

Agree, Les Carter is another excellent source. We look forward to having you join in with us as we all learn from each other and come alongside as comrades.

Although my decades of marriage to a PD was a long haul before I became educated on disorders, the many years did provide experiences through a wide range of circumstances and many repetitive cycles. Being able to look back and connect the dots over my history, is an education in itself. 

SoT