just a girl

[down the road from heaven]

Hi everyone
Wanted to start engaging and introduce myself
I am a golden child turned scapegoat
my whole family resent me and talk behind my back like I am EVERYTHING that is wrong with the family... you know how it goes

TW

I grew up thinking I am worthless, a burden, ugly, insignificant, wrong, broken, undeserving.

Because the people I loved abused me, I grew up to believe love=abuse

I spent 20 years addicted to alcohol, I was abused sexually by my own dad and his friends, I was bulimic, I still don't have friends, I never actually had a real relationship, i sold sex for money etc.

NOTHING will ever compare to the gaping hole of being abandoned and rejected emotionally. nothing. Looking back - i see myself as being almost deadened by this - like if I am ignored like this - i must not exist.

I am actually a bright and gifted young woman. I deserve love and respect and I finally gave up on trying to get it from people who are incapable.

I really look forward to being free from them and would love to connect to more of you, it really helps to not be alone.

Good luck beautiful people, we deserve a life full of joy and fulfilment and I will personally never give up cause the hardest part is actually over. I am ready to clean the residue until there is no more no matter how long it takes!

Thank you for reading <3

[bloomie]

down the road from heaven - welcome! How I wish you had experienced acceptance, love, safety and authentic love you so deserve. I am thankful you have joined the community and for the work you are determined to do to overcome all you have experienced.

I am actually a bright and gifted young woman. I deserve love and respect and I finally gave up on trying to get it from people who are incapable.

There is so much power in this declaration and the painful acceptance of what you cannot change in others that it represents.

Keep doing your good work and moving forward to healing. We are here to support you as you journey on!

[SonofThunder]

Hi down the road from heaven,

Another warm welcome to Out of the FOG.  I second Bloomie's compassionate words and likewise so sorry for all you have endured.  I look forward having you as a part of our community of awesome people from all over the world. 

SoT

[Rebel13]

Hi down the road from heaven! I'm really glad you're here and working to reclaim your life and all the wonderful things about you that your parents didn't appreciate.

I grew up thinking I am worthless, a burden, ugly, insignificant, wrong, broken, undeserving.

I recently learned that these are very common beliefs held by children targeted as scapegoats! I knew that I had them, and that they were a result of my parents' abuse, but I never realized they were specific to having been scapegoated. 

Here's the playlist I learned a lot more about them from:
https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwwLgG09agzesCt1T93nmU0lIN1KdKmt6

It's so nice to know it isn't just us, isn't it?!

Wishing you all the best on your journey.