malignant narcissist mil

[anthonyrevolution]

Good day and thank you for reading / any suggestions you can articulate. First time post, so please be patient.
My mother-in-law is textbook malignant narcissist - gas-lighting, rages, aggression, projection, triangulation, lack of empathy, black / white thinking, etc. You name it. She also has her band of evildoers that do her bidding. However, let's step back some time. When my wife was getting divorced from the first husband, her mother referred to her as "whore" for doing so and decided that the ex son-in-law was more important. She then engaged in the typical smear campaign around town. This woman was not in my life when we got engaged. She was not in our lives when we married. She didn't show up until years later when our daughter was about to be born. Also, her husband (allows her behavior) and my wife's brother (verbally and emotionally nasty) weren't in the picture. I tried to be supportive, kind and patient with my wife when she knocked that day. She seemed to like me and I kept my distance. We fell into hard times and my wife suggested that we temporarily relocate to her place to save for home. Now, the rages, yelling, insults and slamming doors are directed at me. The silent treatment that started in October still continues. When we move into our house, I've said that they aren't welcome. She might be able to visit her granddaughter occasionally and get out. I won't be around when she does because zero contact is the objective (for me). Does anyone have experience with toxic NPD in-laws and their gangs? Is zero contact the means of getting better? I feel stuck, nervous and frightened of this woman and her crew.

Thank you.

[SonofThunder]

Hello anthonyrevolution,

Welcome to Out of the FOG!  So sorry to read of the progressing experiences with your in-laws and their flying-monkeys (Wizard of Oz term for your words "band of evildoers").

Below are two links. The first is to the specific part of the forum where folks discuss the in-law topic.  Have a look around for discussions that may align with your difficulties.  The second link is to the excellent YouTube channel of Dr. Ramani, an experienced expert on narcissism.  Please notice the Dr. Ramani video is one of many in an excellent glossary series on terminology and understanding of the experiences within those terms.  I recommend the entire series when time permits.

https://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?board=38.0

Dr. Ramani YouTube link:
https://youtu.be/lDclCIFQML8

See you around the forum boards!  You are not alone. 

SoT

[Danie]

I have had a lot of experience with NPD in-laws and it's been terrible. Is your wife on board with zero contact with her mother? That's going to be, in my opinion, the fulcrum. If you and your wife can stay a united front, and she sounds vicious, maybe there's hope. I'm just guessing, but it sounds like she will go to lengths to find a back door to get you. My situation has gone on for 18 years! The relations are not as close as yours, but the main instigator (SIL) never relents.Until she deals with her demons there will never be peace with our sitution.

[xredshoesx]

thankfully my own MIL battles have lessened greatly since mine got remarried and moved to the other side of my state.  to make a long story short, when her first husband cheated on her my DH as a 5 year old said he would always take care of her...... and she called that bluff after her loving 2nd husband passed by telling us she was moving into our spare room and I said NOPE bc this is MY HOUSE and she ignored me fully for like 2 complete years.....

as @Danie said, it's all in about how your DW wants to approach it that will determine the success of getting any kind of relief.

read and post when you can- we've got a lot to offer support wise from our small but mightly lil place on the interwebz.