Blown Away

[Deby64]

Ok, my udpd-h is finding messages about narcissism and inability to show real love and sending them to me. When I think oh wow, he's focusing on his issues. I'm freaking blown away and he says he's trying to get me to see myself. What the incapable ability of having internal self awareness is this. When he said that all I could do was mild chill and greywall. It hurt so deeply because it reminds me that our marriage will never, ever change. I just have to take the projection of stuff and keep on my healing journey. Sort of wish I could take hope out of my heart when it comes to him and our marriage. I'm setting my self up for pain and discouragement   

[Rebel13]

Hi Deby64,

I'm sorry for your pain and discouragement. I don't think you're "setting yourself up." I think it's natural to have feelings of sadness, grief, disappointment etc. when we realize people we love can't/don't/won't reciprocate in ways that communicate love to us, and especially when they engage in the kind of reversal you're talking about -- projecting their beliefs, behaviors and feelings onto us.

[Deby64]

Rebel, thanks for sharing. Just validating I'm not crazy is a huge part of my recovery process. I get so upset with myself, but your post helped me to realize. I'm only human with emotions.

[notrightinthehead]

I agree with you - killing hope is the hardest thing to do. And it has a way of sprouting up like a little dandelion... The best you can do, stop lying to yourself and - painful as it may be - accept that this is how he is.