malignant narcissist

[anthonyrevolution]

Good day and thank you for reading and insights. My MiL is textbook narcissist (the malignant variety). You name it and she does it - raging, slamming doors, insults, black / white thinking, etc. This woman and her band of evildoers weren't in my life when we got engaged and married. When my wife got divorced from her first husband, her mother referred to her as "whore" and smeared her all over town. She showed up years later when our daughter was just about to be born. I didn't know what to do, other than be patient and understanding when she knocked. We fell into hard times and my wife suggested that we temporarily stay at her place while we save for house. Now, the rages, insults (you're lazy!), slamming doors and silent treatments (since October) are directed at me. I'm so stressed out and want to go zero-contact when we move out, which is approaching. Is this the means of getting better? I've also contacted counselors. The step-father allows her behavior and my wife's brother is emotionally and mentally nasty. My wife wants to maintain some sort of relationship with her without my presence. That being said, I won't be around if she visits. She can host festivities at her place during the holidays. I feel constantly frightened of this woman and her gang. Thank you.

[Rebel13]

Hi anthonyrevolution, it's so hard to cope with ongoing abuse. It sounds like you have a plan to get to a living situation away from your wife's family, which I'm sure will make you feel a lot better! Managing family relationships within a partnership is difficult though, so I hope you look around the site and forum. There are articles in the Toolbox that can help you make strategies for creating boundaries for yourself about your interactions with your wife's mother, no matter what she decides she wants her family relationships to look like. Reading the stories of how other couples have negotiated these situations, and the obstacles they have run into -- and overcome! -- can also be super helpful.

I definitely support you in making a plan for the future to protect and care for yourself (and any future children), and I hope you and your wife can have loving and productive conversations about it, even if you decide that you want different levels of contact with her family going forward.

[Danie]

I hope you can move on and get away from her for your own sanity. Speaking from experience, find a therapist for support if you need one. I think it can be a roller coaster and unclear at times. If you are newlyweds you have a long way to go so nip it in the bud.

[Abigail.2025]

I'm sorry you are dealing with that! Hugs!