ER visit and managing my side of the street vs. the rest of the FOO

[Liketheducks]

Mom has a fainting episode yesterday.   She has a history of heart attacks and thought she might be having one.   She called the ambulance and then texted the family that is current supply and then me-that I'm likely supply again isn't lost on me.   It was a bit dramatic, but I don't doubt she was genuinely scared.   And, I'll count that SHE called the ambulance first a win.   In the past, she would have called me directly first to "fix" it while denying that she needed an ambulance. 

Thankfully, nothing was really wrong.   Docs chalked it up to stress and medication changes and when tests revealed nothing emergent....released her.    I met her at the hospital and then drove her home and made sure she was settled.   There was the usual demonization of certain family members in an effort to bond with me again.   And the fact that I talk to certain FOO members was met with disapproval from Mom.  I really wish she would realize that I know that I've been that demonized person that she's trashed before AND I KNOW that I'll be there again...it's inevitable.   Honestly, it was easier when she told everyone that I was a terrible daughter.    I can see so much black and white thinking on her part.   She's not going to change significantly at her age.  I don't really care about that it this point.   It just makes me sad and numb. When I dropped her off, I made sure she had what she needed and then left quickly.   I could tell she wanted me to stay, but she didn't press it. 

The widely divergent reactions from the rest of my family kind of put me into shutdown mode.  One is desperate for news, thinks she's dying (and that may likely be what she told them)  One loudly relays that he wants nothing to do with the situation and kind of goes off on a rant about how horrible mom is to him...all of his life.   That was fair, she was.  She's been horrible to all of us at one point or another.   She's still demonizing him and his family right now.  They're the "baddies".  But, he's been a "baddie" since his birth.  I feel for him.   He's gotten the worst of her.

Honestly, after losing one sibling, I'm grateful for the tenuous, cautious relationship I have with my surviving sibling (that is currently Mom's persecutor).   But, the text rant was more than over the top.   Surviving Sib has made enormous strides in his life without the benefit of counseling, but is as human as we all are.   And the rant, well was more than over the top, racist, sexist, diatribe....I feel was, in some ways, more of an unsent letter to mom...rather than to me (at least I HOPE so).   I don't think I can really respond to his rant.   I wouldn't know where to start, honestly.    Maybe reminding myself not to pick up that particular ball and play.   Ugh.

[notrightinthehead]

 

Medium chill - something like 'You seem very upset', 'thanks for sharing your feelings', 'that must have really been difficult for you' affirming while remaining emotionally disengaged. That way you protect yourself and allow him his feelings.

[bloomie]

Liketheducks - this is about as no win of a situation as it can get. You did well with the challenges and I hope you will give yourself some space and time to recover from it all.

[Cenerentola]

"There was the usual demonization of certain family members in an effort to bond with me again"

-- This all sounds really hard; that part hit me especially.  It's so familiar.  I hope you're doing better today.

[Liketheducks]

Thank you all.   I am doing better.    I slept on the message.   My response was "I don't really know what to say to all this, but I understand your anger.   I'll leave you out of this loop in the future, unless you tell me otherwise.   And, I'm sorry this stirred up things for you".   48 hours later, it's back to "normal".

[Call Me Cordelia]

  Way to be caring, classy, and not take on what isn't yours!

[notrightinthehead]

 

excellent response!