Feeling like a crazy person when I describe the manipulation

[Invisiblewoman]

It just seems almost by design that when you describe what an abuser has done to you emotionally, you feel like it makes you sound bitter, or crazy.

When I review what was said and done, and some of the deliberate lying, a part of me wants to believe they didn't mean it, that they are maybe becoming senile or it was an accidental misinterpretation of events.

The reality I have come to accept is that they knew exactly what they were doing.  It's not an accident. They have been lying like that for so long it's just habit. They're highly egotistical and in entering a relationship with them, they automatically view you as the lesser, or the offending party. There is no two equals entering a relationship where communication is a two way street.

They have built whole stories painting me as a villain without being present in my life. They have particularly used abusive experiences I have had with other family members as opportunities to  provoke negative emotions.

They have lied about information that has been thoroughly disproven in a court of law, but they still have the nerve to scream "liar!!" at me when I confront them on their behaviour. I am made to feel I have done something terribly wrong because someone as "lowly" as myself would confront them, as they put it. They're too wonderful to ever be held accountable.

They have basically committed a truth abuse of sorts. They said I was a compulsive liar when I tried to talk about my anxiety surrounding my abuse.  My emotions and fears were painted as acts of manipulation when I expressed them. I was left abandoned with abusive people and made out like I provoked the situation. Every negative situation was all my fault, despite them not witnessing my experience.

I think it says more about them that they'd lie about a sexual abuse case, to falsely implicate my mom. They just had to dig up an experience that I considered myself to be healed from, to re-open a mother wound I had already had. They needed to be the centre of my trauma, and in control of my story. They told me I had holes in my memory to discredit my story and then told me I needed to listen to them and never question them, or call them out on their manipulation.

I used to think my reaction to my relative was bad and cruel, when they screamed at me, when they attempted to give my address to my mom, after insisting she was complicit in my sexual abuse case.

I laughed in shock and said, "oh my god I'd disown you." She raged at me, and I had to explain to her how giving out my address without asking me, was inappropriate.

I called them out when my mother died. They told me I was such an angry person that I shouldn't go to my mom's cremation. I was told I would probably only upset my mother's partner. My brother was given control, and was actively encouraged to block me from going.

My guess, in hindsight, is I'd repeat the lies they might've told me. They said it was for my own good because I had disclosed having anger towards my mother. They incited that anger by lying. Plus I had my own experiences of abuse where my mom encouraged my brother to beat me. They knew that, but then seemed to try and hide me away from my mom's partner as if I was the problem.

They told me such different variations of what was going on during my mom's death. They said I was invited to go but it wasn't their problem to tell me, and said that my mom's partner had to reach out to me. They then completely denied ever saying that, or having talked to him in years and then claimed I had imagined everything.

When I told them I wouldn't tolerate gaslighting they unleashed rage on me, and then threw the incident in my face over giving out my address to my mom. They denied knowing where my mom lived and claimed I threatened them unprovoked. They told me I was toxic, crazy, and in a psychosis. They insisted I lived in a world of lies. They told me I was pathetic and dependent on family with no friends. They said they were wonderful and too above any criticism from someone like me.

She then accused me of playing victim.

They then said they were going to charge me with harassment, which is wild considering all the information I have now, and the fact she threatened to give out my address.

I am at a stage if any of them attempt contact me I will cut them off, and if they keep it up, I will just call the police and consider charging them with harassment.

I am saddened and angered by their behaviour. I really used to trust and respect them and even reported the abuse to them in my teens. I came to them from a place of vulnerability and they chose to violate my trust.

I know I will get past this but I think there is a genuine place for my anger at them right now.

And I know how crazy and complicated my past sounds. I feel like I was gaslit over it, and now that I am away from my FOO, I am waking up to the manipulation.

[Prototypian]

I can feel how angry, upset, stressed, hurt and emotionally manipulated you are through what you have written. 

And I can completely understand how every time you try to talk and share this it sounds crazy.  Because no one "normal" behaves like what you're describing.  So you keep thinking, "there is no way this behavior sounds plausible so people are going to think I am making this stuff up".  Actually I think that people close to you can see it.  Manipulation and human nature does show certain tells in behaviors. 

[Invisiblewoman]

I feel like people who care about me want me removed from that situation. However, the people close to me in the situation seem to surround themselves with like minded individuals. They love the power dynamics and the enablers have bought the line that I am the problem, and me asking for basic respect is offensive.

[Invisiblewoman]

I feel like people who care about me want me removed from that situation. However, the people close to me in the situation seem to surround themselves with like minded individuals. They love the power dynamics and the enablers have bought the line that I am the problem, and me asking for basic respect is offensive.

Ultimately I think I fear sounding absolutist, and black and white.

The problem though in a toxic family with multiples of the same personality type, there is a breakdown of communication, and abuse gets glossed over, or the victim gets defamed for talking.

Abuse was the outcome, and the experience got passed off and largely ignored, with the power often given to the perpetrator. So often I was portrayed as having harmed my abuser when they purposefully manipulated my situation to make me look bad.

Plus I think my brother (one of my abusers) might have sociopathic traits. I think a few other relatives have high narcissistic traits. The blend of the two is nasty.

I think with my mother passing, they were afraid I'd leave the scapegoat role.

[Prototypian]

Family is always that part of life we can't choose as bonds.   They're close and part of it.

I think my own experience has been to make sure I'm conscientious around others and that I don't expect them to fix my situation.  Following that I watch to make sure that boundaries are maintained