Can't let go of my brother

[mary_poppins]

Hi all.

I posted here many times about my brother. He has NPD traits but is not a full-blown PD like mom and dad. I've managed to have a form of connection with him that resembles one that's normal. However, deep down I know he will always side with my mom and won't ever set boundaries and become independent from the fam.

Despite this, I just can't see myself without my brother because it's hard to let go of a family member who shows normal behavior and has the potential to change. What if he'll grow and follow in my footsteps of going VLC/NC?

Why is it hard to let go of the sibling who is on the lower narcissism spectrum? Did any of you had a hard time letting go of a sibling even though you were low contact or even no contact with the rest of the fam?

[Call Me Cordelia]

I think it's supposed to be hard to let go of a family member. Cutting ties is not normal or healthy family dynamics. Humans are made for connection. It's only natural to have a hard time letting go of people who, after all is said and done, you do still love them. We aren't meant to throw people away and just move on as if it's no big deal. It is a big deal, and in my opinion your grief shows your humanity.

[blacksheep7]

Hi mary_poppins,

I can relate to your post. I've been nc 8 yrs.  I miss my siblings dearly, can't stop thinking about them. Then again it's probably because I have no social life during the week (retired). I am finally taking care of that.
I intend to reconnect with them after covertM passes.

I do know that I will be in need of bouandaries, I've changed, they haven't.

All I could say is that if you want that relationship, you'll have to accept him as is, not expecting him to change. You probably know that already Your M must not be a subject.


That must be very difficult and that is why I do not have contact. I wouldn't be able to be in that circle.

I understand your pain.
 
 

[mary_poppins]

I think it's supposed to be hard to let go of a family member. Cutting ties is not normal or healthy family dynamics. Humans are made for connection. It's only natural to have a hard time letting go of people who, after all is said and done, you do still love them. We aren't meant to throw people away and just move on as if it's no big deal. It is a big deal, and in my opinion your grief shows your humanity.

Thanks for the reminder. Deep down I thought it's normal to move on fast and not be tormented by grief..it's good to remember all this.

[mary_poppins]

Hi mary_poppins,

I can relate to your post. I've been nc 8 yrs.  I miss my siblings dearly, can't stop thinking about them. Then again it's probably because I have no social life during the week (retired). I am finally taking care of that.
I intend to reconnect with them after covertM passes.

I do know that I will be in need of bouandaries, I've changed, they haven't.

All I could say is that if you want that relationship, you'll have to accept him as is, not expecting him to change. You probably know that already Your M must not be a subject.


That must be very difficult and that is why I do not have contact. I wouldn't be able to be in that circle.

I understand your pain.
 
 
Hu back sheep.

Ty for understanding. I can't imagine what it feels to be NC with your siblings. Sorry you had to go Nc with yours, too. Yes, I won't expect my brother to change and if, after i will go total NC, it will be impossible to have a relationship (I will try, though), then I'll have to move on.