Feeling so alone

[sweet1987]

I feel so lost and alone, I feel broken, even though I've done so much work on myself through counseling and self help books. It feels like my lense is always going to be distorted.
I stayed home until 30 with my undiagnosed PD mother who was abusive in so many ways. 8 years later we have a decent boundaried relationship but accepting it's never really going to be truly authentic is painful and lonely, she's always in a world of her own and I know it's not really even her fault.
Then I'm also seeing so many unhealthy behaviors in myself because of being in that environment for so long and then worry I might have a PD. My relationship with my partner is extremely confusing, I think they have many toxic abusive traits and also a possible PD but my thinking and sence of self is so shattered I can't even trust what I feel. I just wish I had some clarity and could trust my thinking. I just feel so alone like I can't trust anyone. I can see so many similarities between my partner and mum, but then I see things in me too. Just feels like a never ending cycle that I can't escape.

[Queenfrog]

That sounds really hard. Can you do some simple self-acceptance or self-love work right now?

[notrightinthehead]

sounds like you are not in a good place right now. There is nothing wrong with reaching out for help. You have been brave enough to reach out here, now go out and find some more support. You could join a CoDA group - they are free, if money is an issue, and online if you cannot find one near by. You could look for counselling/therapy. You could check out the crappy childhood fairy on YouTube. Go get working on yourself! You can be stronger, you can heal.
And come back here with specific issues, its so much easier for people to support you when there is a specific problem. See you around!