Facing homelessness / shut out of Inheritance due to siblings neurosis

[Freedom]

Hello - I posted a couple of months ago about an issue of my sibling living in my mother's home we have jointly inherited (she has lived there 3 years).  After managing to make the peace with my sibling because we have to work together on clearing my mum's home - we are at loggerheads now about what to do with the property.  I have been talking to Citizen's advice and know that this is a legal issue.  I'm posting here because I feel lost with my sister's behaviour and that it is impacting on the housing situation for my children and I (I am a single parent and a parent-carer for my daughter).  I don't have a clue foe my way forward and after yesterday, talking with my sister, I feel totally lost and desperate.

We originally thought that we would sell my mum's home and busy our own homes.  Then she kicked up a fuss about that saying there was nothing she could afford with the proceeds.  We have both been agreed mortgage in principle but live in a very expensive part of the country for property.  So yesterday we had meeting with a mortgage adviser to discuss whether we raise finances together to build an extension  / separate house on the side. 
After the meeting we had an intense discussion about how this would work. 
My sister then brought up her sensitivities to perfume and said that though its better than it was, she still struggles and that's something I would have to be mindful of living with her.  I said that I would not cope with that.  My mother had to box up all of the products she used - toiletries, laundry and cleaning products - and was not allowed to use them.  My mum longed for the house and her toilet to be properly cleaned - but had to used baking soda and non-fragranced laundry flakes for her washing.  Even though I use animal and eco friendly products I cannot live like I am stepping on eggshells!  We spoke about our needs and my sister said that she needs time to heal - but no ideas how long that will take.  We are also both in the depths of grief. 
I am desperate to know where I am going to live and to have some mental space from worrying. I have gone from intensely caring for my mother, dealing with all the admin one has to do after someone's death, to abject desperation over my housing situation and dealing with my sister's strange behaviour. One minute she seems fine and then the next she is trying to reel me into her worldview.

I should also say that I have a professional background and gave up my career to care for my children, especially my daughter.  I'm longing to return to work, even part time, to improve my situation and move forward.  Sorting out mum's house, which is a lovely 3 bed home, and trying to get what I am entitled to whilst dealing with an irrational person is taking a lot of my time and energy.

My situation is that I received carer's allowance to care for my autistic daughter (18) my son, her twin, is going to university in September.  My financial situation will change, my rent will go up in the summer, and basically I will get into debt if I try to stay here.  Some action needs to be taken asap.  My dad has a couple of spare bedrooms - but they need clearing  - and also why should I be conjolled out of my inheritance? 

Any thoughts about my sister's behaviour and where I can turn for support would be welcome. 

Background of my sister:

She is very controlling - she has complex health needs - claims for disability etc.  My sister has suffered from anxiety and depression since a young woman and always been stubborn and manipulative and self-centred.  In 2016 she started to experience disturbing symptoms after her GP changed her psychiatric medication a couple of times.  Seemingly out of the blue she self diagnosed herself with Akathesia - joined an online group and then her symptoms went from bad to worse until she became virtually bed-bound and developed allergies to scents of various kinds.  She now says that she has suffered brain injury due to the medication and has various control mechanisms in place that impact on other people - i.e. me!  My mother lived with my sister on and off whilst undergoing Cancer treatment.  In 2019 a Care Agency phoned me extremely concerned about my sister's mental health and how it was impacting on my mum and my sister's son (then a teenager - now a young man at university).  They told me that my sister should be sectioned!  I discussed with my dad and also a friend who knew about that process and decided I could not face doing that and I know in reality that is not an option unless someone is causing a major disturbance to others or is violent.

She detached from the Mental Health Service and turned to online gurus.  Her rented home had some black mold and she managed to harrass and convince my mother to let her move in with her (my mother was dying from cancer at the time and I was her carer; however after my sister moved in I was not allowed to go to the house unless my sister's demands were met - no perfumes and that I kept a change of clothing specifically for visiting my mother.  In the last year of my mother's life - due to my distress at being cut off from visiting mum - I was allowed to visit my mother and when I went (fearfully) into the house for the first time my mother acted as if nothing had happened and everything was wonderful (keeping the peace / fear of upsetting my sister etc I expect - though I've not had an explanation).

[xredshoesx]

i'm sorry you are dealing with all of this- I wish I could offer more ideas and I am glad you are getting legal advice because this is one for the courts to sort out.

in my situation I have a half brother who I was told was my uncle.  her parents raised him like he was my grandmother's child and he is probably my grandfather's child.....  whatever happens or doesn't happen with money I will never be a part of for two reasons.  it would make me break my NC (30 years) and I will never take a red cent from the dark family system that abused me.  ever.  whatever money or property comes out of it is not for me. 

I know your situation is much more nuanced with you being a carer for your mom and that you have to care for your child as well- whatever you do moving forward it is almost like you have to use the same mindset and not count on any kind of safety net with the estate.... which is a unfair and tragic considering what you gave up to do the right thing and why the legal system needs to work it out for you.

[Freedom]

Thank you, I need complete independence from my sister for certain.  I am still traumatised from the last few years of how her illness has impacted on my mother and myself.   

Well done for keeping your boundaries with your current situation.  I think once this is resolved I will have minimal contact with my sister.  Too much hurt and upset x