Confusion

[La certitude]

What delayed me from seeking help , was that I used to be not sure whether I am a victim or the evil. Sense of guilt everywhere. Even if my brother broke my stuff, I would be blamed of crying and making noise disturbing my mother. My brother was much smarter than me, understood the manipulation skills very early and used it as his own weapon. Controlled my father even financially ( my bro had to agree before my father was allowed to buy me something, otherwise he won't go to school or take his exams)
I Was always blamed of why you didn't complain , and at the same time with any act of objection from my side , was blashed to be the trouble maker and peace disturber . I was not allowed to ask for something ( greedy girl) object , express my feelings... etc . Attacks of criticism followed by silent treatment, back mouthing and blame from everyone for making my mum upset.
Now I am left alone as the only carer of the mother. Can't go away and can't heal from my past.
Full of anger , self doubt , emptiness and loneliness.

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You have found a good place. The feelings you describe that brought you here, including the one feeling trapped, are shared by many on this site. Please head over to the Toolbox and study the strategies described there, then begin implementing them when dealing with your family.
See you around on the boards.

[bloomie]

La certitude - welcome to Out of the FOG. I am thankful you have found this community of people who understand the isolation and confusion that comes from the type of scapegoating you describe.

I hope you will share further on the sub forums when you are ready and begin to find strength in the support of others who have had similar experiences. We come here to better understand and equip ourselves with insights and tools to cope with difficult circumstances.

I look forward to supporting you on your healing journey!