"making amends"

[RiverPurl]

I was subjected to horrible harassment campaign for years.  The law was never on my side but I do believe that it is changing.  The campaign has been filled with so much abuse towards me like
- vile names
- blame, blame, blame, blame
- taking up old arguments no matter how old.  20 year old arguements and had nothing to do with us becoming estranged.
- threats in her tone.  There was no outwardly threats. She was very clever but it was in her tone - obey me now or else
- shaming and revenging me
- a tone of being 100% innocent in all of this and that I am responsible for her response and actions and that it is me that started all of this.

I am not responding to her and I am not engaging with her because she is unreasonable and all she is looking for is a fight.

She is utterly obsessed with me and determined in her campaign even though we haven't seen each other or spent any physical time together in nearly a decade.  We don't share a life together any more and even online. But she is still obsessed with me.



She has an underlying tone of wanting me to make amends with her.


That ship has sailed a long time ago.

The stuff that she wrote to me - the insults, the threats, the fear and intimatation and revenge and twisting of events, and she kept saying and doing this over and over and over again.  It's been relentless from her.

Basically it's a very hard no from me. But I am not communicating this with her because it will only just anger her more. 

She is poison and don't want to be friends with that.

[bloomie]

RiverPurl - how awful to have the specter of this abusive treatment of you still lingering. How wise you are to refuse to engage.

I read something that helped me understand why some people cannot let it go when the relationship has clearly flamed out.  It was suggested that for some, when we detach from them and break a familial or intimate kind of bond, there is a rush of shame and a need to blame in order to cope with the uncomfortable emotions.

I would ask if this family member is one that holds a particularly high regard for their goodness and/or favorable public persona? I have found, with a family member who has a high degree of self righteousness and knee jerk refusal to see any wrongdoing in themselves, a connection to an inability to let the disconnection exist.

There is a kind of pushing and prodding to provoke a response - even a negative or unhealthy response - and reestablish some kind of emotional connection and a refusal to respect another's right to end the relationship with them.

It is exhausting and I am so thankful you shared!