Conversation Narcissist

[LiftedOut]

I have a sister that only talks about herself, her plans, her kids, her marriage, her health, her projects, her shopping...you get the point.  Last week she told me "I don't ever really pay attn to people when they are talking to me."  "It's like I veeer off on my own thoughts and let them just talk while I don't really pay attention."  I wanted to say, NO KIDDING.  I called one year ago in tears about a personal issue and she told me that I really needed a therapist and quickly got off the phone.  In this past year every time she calls it's non stop talking...all her issues.  She will answer questions but she really doesn't ask me anything or ever just check on me and my life. It's no real connection and it's really disappointing so often.  Yesterday we were in the waiting room while our dad was in outpatient surgery.  She came late, left early.  Didn't like where I was seated so she found a better place...so here I pack up and move across the room.  That felt like a power play.  I had been looking at some birthday gifts online and trying to do an order.  She talked to me and had one after the other things to show me on houses she is looking at.  I had to say, I will look, but I need to finish this first.  I didn't get a word in edge wise.  It's so strange. 

[walking on broken glass]

Your sister sounds exhausting! Would you consider diluting your contact with her? Do you get anything out of your interactions? (well, they are not really interactions, just monologues, from what you are saying) Or do they leave you drained and frustrated? You are under no obligation to indulge her narcissism just because she is your sister.

[notrightinthehead]

I find there are a lot of people like that and I seem to be a magnet for these bores. I was actually married to one too. I remember one evening in a bar he managed to get talking to an attractive woman and after about half an hour she looked drained and desperate, looking around for some excuse to escape the monologue. Made me laugh, eventually she excused herself and disappeared never to be seen again.
Over the years I have learned to ignore my normal politeness and now I cut in, say something like, 'I think this will go on and on, so I will just finish it now. Bye'. That's rude, but allows me to remain calm and serene.

[OverHere]

That sounds unpleasant and I can see it's hard to know what to do.

My partner and I had trouble with boring each other for a long time and then one day we realised that, for us at least, it's not the words or the length of the talk, but the intensity that we can't stand.  It's just not a conversational tone.  I could listen to him read a phone book as long as he isn't "wound up" because in my experience bad feelings like that transmit.  I wonder what others think about this.