Breakfast turned lecture?

[kethartikt0kb00m]

Got up this morning and decided to get breakfast. My mom was doing her nails in the kitchen. I asked "why are you doing your nails in the kitchen?"

"Because my son won't give me money to pay for my nails for me to do them" she says jokingly

My mom banters like this so often that for ONCE I decided to banter back.

"I'm not your boyfriend. Why won't you ask dad for money?-"

"It doesn't matter if you're not my boyfriend. You don't need to be, If I need money for my nails or anything else I don't see anything wrong with you paying for it" she interrupted

This isn't surprising to me. Not my mom's interrupting or her awesome way of saying what she really means and masking it in a nice pretty little package of passivity. On the surface this seems like a pretty tame discussion. But given the history between the dysfunctional and broken family, I am well aware she means what she is saying.

"Neither do I, if I CHOOSE to give it-"

"I'm your mom, why wouldn't you give me any money for nails or anything else?!" She interrupted

"I'm not sure that's how things work-"

"What do you mean you're not sure?! Yeah! If your mother has been taking care of you, your whole life and then ask for something why wouldn't you pay them back? If I asked you to give me $100 to go do something that's the way it's supposed to be"

" that's what your husband is for. If my girlfriend asked me for that kind of thing of course I would do it." I respond jokingly

" did your girlfriend take care of you your whole life? Did your girlfriend take care of you when you had the chickenpox? Did your girlfriend pay for your education? You're supposed to take care of your mother so if your mother needs something then you're supposed to tell your  girlfriend that your mother took care of you your whole life and that if she wants something then you're going to take care of her" she says righteously so

Im learning a lot. I realized she was this way but it's getting her to say it out loud that's an entirely different story. I don't usually talk a lot, I just kind of mind my business in the house, so I guess she was waiting to say this to somebody like me – someone who grew up always being obedient.

I made sure I remain calm during the entire time, reminding her that we are still joking, as I would catch her at one point saying we are joking and then at other times saying this isn't a joke. I don't think she realizes she was doing this several times because she was NEVER joking. Her mask of the good altruistic mother is falling off and the arrogant entitled mother she always was is coming through.

I know what's about to happen. When in doubt? Shame, guilt, insult me, and then reverse it and make it seem like I did all that. Start the storm and then blame me for it.

" wow, this whole time I thought i was supposed to take care of my girlfriend/wife, but it turns out that my mother takes priority over her –"

" the Bible said that you should take care of your parents so of course you're supposed to take care of your mother" she's so righteously respond

" we're still joking, right? "

" of course we are..." She changes again " but if I wanted to get my nails done or if I wanted to go on a cruise or if I wanted to be taken care of by my son, you're supposed to take care of me, not just kick me out and drop me off like I'm garbage and then run away with your new girlfriend/wife like I didn't take care of you in my belly for several months?! No! That's not how that works! The Bible said you're supposed to take care of your parents. Don't say that you're going to choose some girlfriend over your family like that. I don't know why you're saying that. Why are you talking like that anyways? You clearly have a lot to learn and what it means to be a man. "


"I'm not sure where exactly the scripture say that. I'm not sure Jesus, a simple carpenter, said that you're supposed to pay for your mother's luxuries like nails and going on trips to Hawaii and stuff like that. I think I'm going to have to look at the Scriptures again –"

" I'm not saying that. I never said trips to Hawaii. What I'm saying is if I wanted to get money for nails, or go on a cruise nobody said anything about a trip to Hawaii – What I'm saying is if your mother... OK – you're not understanding what I'm saying and you're putting words in my mouth" she accuses

" Mom, I'm not sure if we're still joking or not. I'm still joking because I think this is all kind of surprising and a bit funny but I'm not sure anymore. I'm not sure you know what you're trying to say exactly." I respond

" I just don't think there's anything wrong with taking care of your parents who took care of you" she Added

"I'm not sure that's what you meant. I had no idea I was supposed to choose my mother over my girlfriend/wife. Next time, my girlfriend/wife wants something. I'm just going to have to turn her down unfortunately, because mother comes first and I'm going to have to pay for her nails instead of paying for my girlfriend/wife's nails. No cruises or trips for her because apparently that's what the Bible says." I jokingly say "I had no idea that the Bible said this. Guess I don't know the Bible at all."

"Of course, if your girlfriend/wife wanted to get her nails done or whatever you should, but your mother raised you. We are the ones who took care of you, we paid for your education, we put food in your belly and gave a roof over your head so when we get older you should take care of us because we took care of you that's how it works the bible said take care of your father and mother so yes"

"We are still joking, right?"

" NO!" She changes

"Well I was. I thought that was the point." I say " we were just talking about why you were doing your fingernails in the kitchen. I'm not sure how we got here. We're still joking, right?" I asked

" we got here because you said why am I doing my nails in my kitchen? It's my kitchen. I do what I want in my house, so I don't understand why you have to ask that in the first place so I said because my son won't give me any money to pay for my nails. If your mother asked you to give her money for stuff and you don't wanna give her any money then let her do her nails in the kitchen in peace and if you don't like it, then I don't care. " she sassed

"Ok. I learned a lot today."

"Oh shut up!" She had storms off with her make up and stuff and walks down to Hall on the come back a few minutes later and ask if I wanted the breakfast she cooked I responded no I'm making my own breakfast and she went off someplace else.

Wow. Just wow.

My dad has been working his whole life and he retired and is giving her everything she needs. I live with my parents and I pay rent, make my own food, pay my own car bills, I'm 36 going back to school full-time and work and still pay for things around the house that they need. I actually do pay for things she ask for here and there too when it's reasonable. The audacity is astounding

[TimetoHeal]

Wow, that's some next level entitlement right there.  I just love the "but I took care of you and clothed you and fed you and took care of you through chicken pox".  Um, yeah, that's the bare minimum a parent has to do to not get their kids taken away by CPS.  That does NOT entitle you to nails and cruises. 

Kethart,
This living arrangement sounds very stressful.  Is there any other option to live away from your mother's home?

[kethartikt0kb00m]

Kethart,
This living arrangement sounds very stressful.  Is there any other option to live away from your mother's home?

I am in college full-time for Nursing for two years. I'm moving out once I get my degree. But feels like the more the countdown starts where I'm moving more towards that goal that they all know is about to happen, it seems like these kind of conversations or lectures spill out of nowhere? Never have we ever had these kinds of conversations before. It was always"do your own thing you need to move out and be a man so we as parents can live our lives, we're tired of you being here. "before I ever expressed going to school. Now that the time is drawing even more nearer, suddenly they're dropping these kinds of hints and conversations out of the blue sky. Of course I'm not surprised. I know my parents. It's just... The audacity is real.