Cousin flying monkey

[walking on broken glass]

My cousin messaged me again after a long hiatus. We don't have a close relationship and I don't really like her. She has a weird competition going on with me and she has a history of being a fly monkey. In the past she has asked me why I don't talk to my sister more often, said sister is all alone and she misses me, and tried to elicit reactions from me about my relationship with sister. After my mum's diagnosis, when I took some distance, she messaged me again and very subtly implied I should go look after her. My sister was currently there and cousin said 'she is in panic and is no good, your mum needs someone level headed' wink wink. And later on she messaged again asking randomly if we have been on any trips lately. I think she wants to see whether I am having a good time while away instead of looking after my mum. She usually starts by sending a picture of her mum's cat to lure me in (we have a cat and she knows I love cats) and then starts asking more questions. In previous messages I replied with a photo of my cat and short messages, and when I realised where the conversation was headed, I shut it down. I wonder if I shouldn't reply at all this time. I don't want this to become a diplomatic episode: her mum is my mum's sister and they speak every day, and all the family is very enmeshed, so it's very likely my cousin would tell her mum I am ignoring her and start trouble. But I don't want to engage in one more disturbing conversation. Seeing her message already stressed me a lot. I am leaning towards sending a love heart, just to acknowledge the message but not encourage further messaging. What do you think?

[GoodPesto]

Hi WOG, thanks for your post. From what I understood the heart seems for sure an option and could probably serve the purpose.
I am well aware it is not an option for many but reading your post I was reminded of why I stopped using mobile phones.
How stressfull it is to have people show up anytime anywhere on your screen because it is just what life is like for most this day and age.
Good luck navigating this one, and have a good time while away instead of looking after your mum.

[walking on broken glass]

Thanks so much GoodPesto!

The more I think about it the more I lean towards the zero response option. Why risk inviting chaos and hate in my life? Let her do what she wants with my non response. Her problem.

Definitely one downside of technology...

[TimetoHeal]

Thanks so much GoodPesto!

The more I think about it the more I lean towards the zero response option. Why risk inviting chaos and hate in my life? Let her do what she wants with my non response. Her problem.

Definitely one downside of technology...

I think you made an excellent decision!   

And I would give anything to go back to the days before cell phones.  Sigh....

[Liketheducks]

Excellent decision.   Just leave it be.   Had a similar situation.   My mum, having exhausted supply with our FOO, started turning to extended family for flying monkey resources.   I ended up getting IM's from a second cousin, ironically a licensed family counselor specializing in trauma, that she couldn't stand seeing me so happy on social media while knowing what I did to my mother.   I had a think about it for a minute, trying to come up with a response....she's family and a counselor after all.   I settled on, if you can't stand seeing me happy....I can fix that....and I blocked her.   

Good for you to not invite the chaos into your peace.   I try hard to focus on the things that I can control.   People's opinions aren't in my realm of power. 

[walking on broken glass]

Thank you guys! I was hesitating again today whether I should just write something so it's good to get the confirmation.

@Liketheducks, I am stunned! How can people be so insensitive and intrusive? A trauma counsellor, sigh... Excellent decision to block her.

[Tribe16]

I settled on, if you can't stand seeing me happy....I can fix that....and I blocked her. 

This is brilliant.

I wouldn't be surprised if there were a few personality-disordered trauma therapists out there - seems like it would be a magnet for altruistic narcissists.

[Liketheducks]

Almost forgot.....as it has been a few years ago.   Cousin counselor's daughter has also gone no contact with her mom.   Figures. 

[Call Me Cordelia]

Oh my gosh. Of course. That really does fit given her reaction that she "Can't stand seeing you so happy." Can't make this stuff up!

WOBG, I think with people who are as enmeshed as your mother/sister/aunt are, they are going to stir up drama no matter what you do or don't say or do. It's really all they have going on in their life.