The Narcissist wants to control who you interact with

[JR]

ever notice how the narc tries to drive a wedge between you and friends. or just someone your just having a conversation with and just met, and interferes with it and tries to destroy it.

[NarcKiddo]

My NM does not necessarily seek to destroy but she tries to involve herself in everything. And she tries to dictate when people contact one another even if she does not want to be part of that specific interaction.

[Xyz]

Hi JR,

Yes, the PD male I am with does not want me to interact with anyone, it seems.  One reason for this seems to be that he wants all of my attention on him at all times. 

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Absolutely.  I've been on both ends of it.  First, with my ex, trying to banish friends and family from my life ... I believe, as Xyz said, to keep me on call for him at all times.  Now, some years after leaving and going NC with him, another uNPD is trying to banish me from a LO's life.  I have even less control in the current situation and it's very disturbing.  At least when I was with my ex I could (and did) make the choice to ignore his demands at times and take the punishment he gave when I kept contact with important relationships.  The hostage this uNPD is keeping is more prone to enabling and compliance than I was.

[Catothecat]

My uNPD exh had a different approach.  He told me no one liked me and didn't want to be friends with me.  After we married I moved to another state to be with him, so all I knew were his friends.  And, since he said they didn't like me, I sat at home when he went out socializing.  Exactly what he wanted.  Then, since he was my only social outlet for the first few years of our marriage, he complained about how he "couldn't be my best friend."  He didn't want me doing things with others, nor did he want to do things with me.  Except for work, he wanted me socially isolated. 

[GoodPesto]

Interesting. Had a similar experience with toxic-to-me exh who definately was displaying PD traits (narc as well).
From the very beginning it was hard for him to watch me talk to strangers. Although he was not interested in getting to know people at all he came over and took over the conversation. Sometimes I wondered if that behaviour is connected to possesive mentality because when the counterpart was male his interruption became a little more frantic like: I have no idea what you two are talking about, I literally just showed up but I heard one word and am asuming this two minute long, thoughtless sentence will fit in before I end "our" conversation. It smelled like "She's mine".
He seemed to relax when he assumed he knew all about the contacts I had. When I complained about a heartless response to an interpersonal sensitive subject (e.g. family trouble) he always argued that this one bit of information about the other person and me I had just mentioned and not shared before was missing to respond appropriatly. Yes, tell me EVERYTHING about the conversations you are having, do it!
After two years of having shared a home together it was crystal clear that he is happiest when I come home from the daily walks with my dog telling him I did not meet or talk to anybody.
Also, like mentioned before, he sucked my attention and felt like he is or should be enough to satisify ALL my social needs.
This marriage was my mistake in the first place. So glad I got out. Learned a lot.

[SeaBreeze]

Social isolation is one of the red flags that you are in an abusive relationship. I have always known that is one of the warning signs, but I still got sucked in by both my first and second uNPD husbands.

uNPDh #1 moved me to his PD-cult family's turf, literally and physically isolating me, ensuring his family and his few friends were the only people I could socialize with. He didn't want our 2 kids around anyone else either. I am not waxing poetic when I say I escaped from them along with my first 2 children like we were fleeing a cult.

uNPDh #2 pretended to be the life of the party, until he started sabotaging any social outings. He also began pushing to move out of state almost immediately; I resisted for years, since I didn't want to repeat my first marriage. So he switched tactics. Encouraged me to ditch obviously toxic people from my life. Then ditch the shallow, casual acquaintances. Then he focused on my core friend group, until I was down to two -- my best female friend and my closest male friend. Those 2 friends, well he became their friend too. Smart move on his part in retrospect. By then, I was isolating myself, and so I finally agreed to move our now-family of 5 out of state. No friends outside of online pals for YEARS, and I watched what I told them because 2nd husband monitored everything on our network and hacked into private locked chats more than once. I finally went back to work, outside  of the home, as step one of my escape plan. Covid lockdown and remote work were the final straw for me!

Looking back, my late uNPD mother did the same to my brother and me when were growing up. Moved us to a new town, repeatedly, as soon as we had finally adjusted and made friends. Let me spend the day, or night, at friend's houses but there was always hell to pay when I returned home with ever-changing rules I had failed to follow e.g. I should have called for her to pick me up sooner, or called later, or how dare I go to the MALL or CHURCH or wherever *with their parents* before I came home, etc etc. And I rarely invited friends to my house because some places I shared a room with my mom, or there wasn't enough food in the house to hosts guests, or I had to babysit my brother, etc etc. Explains a lot about what happened in my marriages eh?

My two older kids knew they could invite friends over, or go to their friends, and I was okay with that!! Oldest DS' friend basically lived with us one year, to the point his mother offered to pay me for his food. I told her no money needed! DD and her next door bestie had a revolving door between our houses. Ex #2 complained, but I held firm on our kids being allowed to have friends over. Youngest DS, unfortunately, chose not to ever invite friends over and finally admitted later it was because of his dad. Youngest DS still has a very close core friend group in spite of that; he just kept them very separate from our home life.

I guess I'm posting all this to say, again, social isolation is a common abuse tactic, but it can be a rather insidious or systematic tactic that we nons don't see for the big red waving flag. Or, we see the red flag, but we still fall prey to it. Hopefully we can help educate others sooner than later!

[JR]

also i have noticed if you engage other people in conversation about any subject they will interrupt with a demeaning jab at you, like they will say oh don't mind him,he just loves to talk or babble on incessantly, to embarrass you in front of others in order to tell the other person your having a conversation with that your stupid or a goofball,this is one tactic they use to drive a wedge between you and the outside world of non toxic people, i think they are jealous and always want to retain the power position, and also weaken your resolve to remain in the normal(real) world