When what has been learnt comes in handy

[escapingman]

Started working with a new client a year ago or so, the guy I was working with showed some suspicions behaviour from the start. I needed the money and it wasn't too bad, until it was too bad. Had a meeting last week and I really tried to belittle me and then gas light me. He told me how he wanted us to communicate during the summer holidays and when I five minutes later confirmed what he had said he started accusing me for how that doesn't work and how could I possible think that would work (his suggestion). Made myself unavailable for a few days and now sent him an email we no longer work together.

I am so grateful for what I have learnt and that I could stop it before it got out of hand. I started to get that knot in my stomach as soon as I was going to get into any meeting with him and when he called or an email from him turned up. He hasn't replied yet but I will go no contact or as low contact as needed, if he refuse to pat the last bills so be it, my mental health is worth much more than money.

[square]

Well done!!

You recognized what your gut was telling you.

You created reasonable, professional boundaries.

When those proved to be more trouble to enforce than the client was worth, you made a rational and professional decision to part ways and move on.

How do you think you might have handled it, say, ten years ago?

[escapingman]

Hi Square, ten years ago I was aware enough and I actually were in a similar situtation. I came onto a new project working for a big consultancy going on site to a prestigious customer. Outside the office the director pulled me a side and told me to take my tie on as I would look to smart and make the others in the team look scruffy. A few weeks maybe months, I cant remember, I got a call from the director telling me dress smarter and to start wearing a tie as the client has complained. Needless to say I never went back.

But prior to this, I would have done anything to try to fall in line and to earn the approval. In the past I always spent more time trying to get approval and please the ones I couldn't than just enjoying being myself with the ones that accepted me.

Thanks for the question Square.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

I take this as a success story.
         
The awareness and skills gained on this journey are the gifts that keeps giving. It is a double bonus to be able to utilize those skills as events unfold in different scenarios with different people and come out feeling calm and confident.

A double, double bonus for recognizing your red flag indicators early on.