Is this odd?

[StartingHealing]

Hello to all the brave souls here.  My thanks for the responses in advance.

had an event happen recently that is freaking awesome in my opinion. 

Been doing the genetic genealogy for the past 6-7 years since going through being adopted as a child, as I was growing up there was zilch for any genetic information, health info, nothing.  Not even partial pictures to let me know where my facial features came from.  Complete separation from anything related to my genetics, and lies on top of it to boot.   

Brutal going through that as a child.  I was fed and watered appropriately, the other dynamics in that family were.. {complex} let's say.

Anyway, with my genealogy research come to find out that I have ancestors that is on the tribal rolls for a particular Nation here in the states.  Found out what was needed document wise for a application to attempt to become a member.  There was a compulsion to chase that down.  Several years of dealing with multiple state jurisdictions, all via snail mail, with the added wrinkle of what is recorded legally is my name from being adopted, not the name on my original birth cert.  Yeah, have to prove justification on "reasons" for requesting.  sigh.

I received my ID card for that nation a few days ago.  Still sitting with it because.. well, lots of different reasons. Reassessing my concept of self, seeing how in my past my innate attraction to certain things totally matches. The "being accepted" because of my lineage VS being acquired because of adult 'issues' to me is huge. (Yes, many who adopt are not doing it for the best interests of the child.  As I alluded to, a child needs more than the basics of food, water, clothes, etc. to thrive.) 

Here's the odd part. Perhaps it's not so odd. IDK.

I'm stoked, like dancing in the living room sans music stoked when the import of the ID sunk in.

Up popped the memory of the former BPD spouse droning on (multiple times & multiple years) about how her family was somehow related to some tribal princess that was somehow distantly related to Chief Sitting Bull.   Yeah was all BS on her part, more smoke and mirrors for her to use as excuses for shitty behavior.

The mix of feelings that I had with proof that I'm a member?              and the "No, you (insert various cuss words here)!!! I'm the legit one, I'm the real deal you (insert more cuss words)!!!!  and having the feeling that if the former spouse found out, she'd flip into one of her typical melt-downs, and that was somehow satisfying to me.

Nah, I'm totally incognito with the former spouse, her remaining family, former friends etc.  Highly unlikely that she'll ever find out. And going forward, I'll be taking even more steps to erase that back trail.   

Is this typical of a non on the healing path? 

[square]

Hey there, Starting Healing,

I want to congratulate you on your membership in your Nation. I hope that it unlocks some feeling of belonging, history, culture, and connection. I also hope you can find and forge friendships with other members.

As to your question, yes, that is totally normal. Regardless of the topic, when a manipulative person falsely elevates themselves at your expense, or falsely demeans and belittles you to briefly feel superior to you, it is normal to feel a sense of vindication that you are in fact the one with the credentials they boasted about having, or can show that you in fact do not have the traits you were belittled for.

Even when we know well how ridiculous they are, it kind of becomes a little pebble in our shoe, hard to shake. Evidence to the contrary is a relief, to counter the loud and repetitive messages they give us.

[StartingHealing]

I want to congratulate you on your membership in your Nation. I hope that it unlocks some feeling of belonging, history, culture, and connection. I also hope you can find and forge friendships with other members.

Thank you square!    Indeed, for no known human connection, I do have a 'sense' of [home] if that makes any sense.  There is a group where I reside, I'm chasing down social media aspects for them, and hopefully be able to start attending local events to meet and greet others to see if friendships develop.  What's really trippy to me, is that I "knew" because of the genealogy, yet it wasn't "real".  With the ID in my wallet, it's real now.       LOL

As to your question, yes, that is totally normal. Regardless of the topic, when a manipulative person falsely elevates themselves at your expense, or falsely demeans and belittles you to briefly feel superior to you, it is normal to feel a sense of vindication that you are in fact the one with the credentials they boasted about having, or can show that you in fact do not have the traits you were belittled for.

Even when we know well how ridiculous they are, it kind of becomes a little pebble in our shoe, hard to shake. Evidence to the contrary is a relief, to counter the loud and repetitive messages they give us.

Whew, it's nice to know that it's a normal reaction.  Was wondering about it for a minute, you know?  Fleas right? Even with it coming up on 2 years for the final orders, and 3 years for being NC.

I've heard from my tax person that the former spouse is where it snows in the state in which I reside. Which I find humorous because I know it's all mirroring behavior.  Oh the list of 'reasons' she had for LARPing as mermaid. Kind of hard to mermaid landlocked and also where it gets cold.  She's kinda locked in here because of a work comp legal case.  She has lifetime medical on a limb as long as she remains a citizen of the state. Could be totally off here, to me it would fall in line with her behavior that she's not courageous enough to go against that. For a "strong and independent" yeah..

 I'm seriously considering moving out of the state in which I currently reside.  Don't know what the future will hold, could remain in the states, or depending on lot's of variables, an international destination could work as well.  Which could be interesting on the alimony garnishment. For her that is. If it happens, just saying, you know?  Yeah, still have a burr under the blanket around that. 

Wishing you all the best