Jerry Wise on dealing with Narcissistic Parents

[feenix]

This is one of the best conversations about this topic I've heard, he paints the complete picture, ties everything together and explains the process of how dysfunctional patterns of relating get passed down from generation to generation. He talks about why common advice for healing often doesn't work very well, and what works better. He explains the difference between inner boundaries and external boundaries and why we need to develop the inner ones first.
He also talks about his own relationship with his mother sharing several experiences with examples of his own growth and healing.
This is a long conversation with lots of great information, I've listened to it twice already and will probably watch it a bunch more times.

These are both links to the same video, I wasn't sure which one to use. Hopefully one of them works.

https://youtu.be/pw3Wgecdqo0?si=5iLTP4uhZuVvH_iw

[moglow]

Good stuff, feenix! Thx for sharing - and your synopsis is excellent 👌🏼

[NarcKiddo]

Thank you. This is an excellent video. I subscribe to Jerry's channel but had not come across this, presumably because it is hosted from another channel. So I am very grateful to you for pointing it out.

[Rebel13]

Wow. There's some really strongly worded, powerful stuff here about separating psychologically from parents and the dysfunctional system of beliefs. Thank you for sharing! I pulled some things out of the transcript that really hit me in the gut.

Regarding others' opinions about us (narcissistic parents, for sure, but I think it applies to others too):
"I see that's how you feel. I don't feel that way about me but it's okay if you do. I mean, you have a right to feel that way about me if you want. I don't care. I hope it helps you out."

Geez louise, right?

Jerry: When does parenting end?
Lewis: Good question. I don't know, 18? Is it supposed to end though at 18 for everyone?
Jerry: Aren't you going to be an adult? That's the goal. Adults don't need a parent...I'm not saying break up your whole family because you turned 18, I'm talking about parenting. Parenting is parent to child, not parent to adult...Generally, if I [ask] people. "What do you need your parent to do?", "Well, I need them to treat me better." "Well, why do you need them to treat you better?" "Well, I'll never be happy!" Well, there you are. You've just hooked together you'll never be happy unless this fantasy comes true. I can already tell you it's not going to come true because it's been going on for 35 years...of course miracles can happen, but I'm not in the miracle business.

***
"Wanting them to approve and love you as adults...then you won't develop. You are living a pseudoself waiting on them to give you a self by them going 'you're wonderful and we love you.' ...They say 'I'm going to confront them and tell them' and you're just going to get caught up in the system even deeper really, you're going to go down in the quicksand even more if you go do that."

[peacepath_13]

thats an fantastic conversation. thanks for sharing! so powerfull, and so many insights.

If you have some other powerfull sugestions, i ll be glad to ear it!.

Thanks.

[TimetoHeal]

I've just recently discovered Jerry Wise, and I love him! I think he is the best voice on YouTube I have heard on the subject so far.