Feeling like a lost cause

[Maria Pia]

I've come to the point today where I feel like I am a lost cause. Besides my husband, I have no one to love or support me after going no contact with my abusive family. As things stand right now, I'm in pretty bad shape. I can't even be the spouse I wish I could be because I lack so many basic life and social skills. I feel like a 10 year old trapped in a middle aged body. I have so many phobias from childhood that I don't even know where to begin to work through it all and I can't imagine I will ever get to a point where I feel like an actual adult. I can't hold a job, let alone look someone in the eye. I have been browsing online for inpatient trauma treatment but I can't find something that fits my needs. I have no history of drug abuse, and financially can only really rely on my insurance. Does what I am looking for even exist? Is there hope for me?

[notrightinthehead]

Sounds like you have come to a point where you no longer are content with the way you live your life. What are you willing to change about your life? What is the most important small step you can take? Would it be working on your fears? Could you look around for a self help group where you could learn from and with others how to face your fears? How to overcome them eventually? Or if you feel that you are not yet ready to work on yourself - do you have access to a therapist specializing in anxiety disorders?

[GoodPesto]

Hi Maria Pia,
I am sorry you're feeling down. I get it. There is no contact betweeen my FOO and myself either, I remember what happened to you as well and it was major. Be kind to yourself. If you are happy to have your hubby, I am sure he is happy to have you, too. You could have nobody, is what I am saying, I guess. Give yourself some time. You just went N/C with your family. That means you freed some space for other people to walk into your life and respect and love you the way you deserve. This probably won't happen over night, but it will eventually, I am positive.
If you feel like you're emotionally still 10, I think ... with all due respect, that's awesome. 10-year-old people are usually very kind and open-minded. I myself have no idea what it feels like to be an adult. To me it seems that a lot of people ... and I mean A LOT of people are completely blind to being emotionally imature. So I am cheering you on for your awareness and wish you a talk with a lot of chuckling with your partner about how old you two think you are.
We are here for you. 

[Maria Pia]

Hi Maria Pia,
I am sorry you're feeling down. I get it. There is no contact betweeen my FOO and myself either, I remember what happened to you as well and it was major. Be kind to yourself. If you are happy to have your hubby, I am sure he is happy to have you, too. You could have nobody, is what I am saying, I guess. Give yourself some time. You just went N/C with your family. That means you freed some space for other people to walk into your life and respect and love you the way you deserve. This probably won't happen over night, but it will eventually, I am positive.
If you feel like you're emotionally still 10, I think ... with all due respect, that's awesome. 10-year-old people are usually very kind and open-minded. I myself have no idea what it feels like to be an adult. To me it seems that a lot of people ... and I mean A LOT of people are completely blind to being emotionally imature. So I am cheering you on for your awareness and wish you a talk with a lot of chuckling with your partner about how old you two think you are.
We are here for you. 

Thank you so much for the encouragement. You are right. I probably shouldn't rush myself considering what I've been through. I'm really hoping you are right and I will find my way to new connections though. Something that seems hopeful though is that I am getting my interest in my hobbies back again. I started to give them up because of the toxic dynamics I was in before going no contact. I have found this is a good way of keeping my mind from ruminating too much. I'll try to take everything else one step at a time though. Thanks again for your encouragement.

[GoodPesto]

That's amazing Maria Pia and definately a good sign. Enjoy your hobbies. They might as well be a door where lovely people enter your life. Wishing you the best!

[Lookin 2 B Free]

I'm sorry to hear you are going through such a hard time, Maria Pia.  I don't know what area you live in.  But I do know a few people who completed inpatient trauma therapy programs and found them extremely helpful.  Not all inpatient programs are for addictions.

I am at the beginning of a new type of therapy (outpatient) that I find really helps me accept and be able to work with all aspects of myself -- Internal Family Systems.  There's a book, No Bad Parts, you could check out if you're interested.  From what I hear, it's being used more and more in trauma T, with quite good success.  I'm still too new to give a testimonial, but I find it very hopeful.  Of course there are other modalities that are also promising.

One's world can get very small with phobias.  But it doesn't have to stay that way.  Perhaps, with your new hobbies, you're getting more comfortable being around people.  If not, you might be doing yourself a big favor to get help.  I understand the painful loss associated with not having much or any contact with family.  But there's a lot of richness and love and reward in connecting with different people and finding wonderful friends, maybe some of whom are working on the same issues you are.  You deserve to feel comfortable looking people in the eye and sharing enjoyable time with them!