Jealousy?

[Juju]

My sister in law was here for 5 days due to a death in the family, my partner and I enjoyed her company and everything was going great then my SIL mentioned that remember when we were on holiday (me her and another lady friend) this is 3 years ago, well she went on to say that "remember when that guy from upstairs", we had dinner with him a few times because the other lady in our group saw him walking along the road with us (behind us) to the only restraurant that was close to our villa (we were in Mexico), well she asked him if he wanted to join us for dinner and he said yes, well we ate with him a few times and he dropped by our villa and had coffee.  My partner all of a sudden said "why didn't you ever tell me about this?" 
Today I got "I told my friend about the Mexico thing and he said he couldn't believe you would not tell me about it",
Honestly there was nothing to tell and I know if I did he would do exactly what his is doing now!!!  Does anyone think he has the right to be jealous?  I am suppose to tell him every little thing when I'm away?  He will not travel with me because of his many phobias so I go away with friends sometime. If I didn't do this I would never go anywhere!!!
Opinions on his reaction?

[walking on broken glass]

No, you absolutely don't have the obligation to tell him every little thing. But what worries me is that you didn't tell him because you knew he would have a bad reaction. Being scared to tell your partner things is not a good sign - and his behaviour 100% confirms that. He is putting a lot of pressure on you by telling you about what the 'friend' said (I suspect he might be making the friend up but maybe not, because it wouldn't be surprising that his friend would have a similar mindset) and he is being controlling.

[Juju]

I might ad that last night when we went to bed he said he told his friend about it and he felt the same way as to why would I not tell him about us 4 girls having dinner with this old guy upstairs ...  he also said that my upcoming trip well he doesnt know if he can trust me to tell him everything.  We are now not speaking to each other.  So ridiculous this Mexico trip was 3 years ago!

[walking on broken glass]

These are his issues, not yours. If he doesn't feel he can trust you when you go on your trip, it's his problem. You haven't done anything wrong. And you certainly won't give him an account of everything you do because he is insecure.

In my experience, you can't reason with jealousy. He has deep-seated problems that he has never tackled, and no amount of reassurance will be enough. But you knew this, this is why you didn't mention the story to him.

I think you should re-think what this relationship offers you. It makes you feel limited in your social life and puts unnecessary pressure on you for small, trivial matters that shouldn't even be an issue. Is it worth it?

[GoodPesto]

he also said that my upcoming trip well he doesnt know if he can trust me to tell him everything.

I don't know if this is stemming from possesive mentality, insecurities or jealousy or a mix of any of them, but it counts as a big red flag.

[escapingman]

I learnt that exwife would always be jealous on anything I said after being away on my own. I found a great way to tackle it and that was to immediately when coming back home telling her some made up story about how crap the trip was and then she was happy and left me alone. Sad of course but it worked pretty well. 

[Juju]

thank you everyone for your advise, I have been with this person off and on (one year when I broke up with him) for 9 years and when we got back together this time which has been nearly 2 years there were no issues till this came up and I feel like we are falling back into the problems from before. I was over at my son's yesterday and my son said come over and you can meet the new dog and we will go out for lunch (the whole family).  When I got there he changed the plan and I babysat the kids while they went to the gym.  When they came back they brought pizza and wine and we had such a nice visit!  While when my partner found out he freaked out saying all they want you for is to babysit and my son was so inconsiderate and I knew they would do this to you and on and on he went.  I find this so upsetting when he goes off like this, I was a little upset with my son too but my partner was more so and it seems like he has to rub it in and rub it in.
Makes a huge deal about everything it makes me feel so bad!

[bloomie]

Juju - your partner has every right to his feelings and... the responsibility for managing them without hurting you and carrying on. His feelings. His issue. Feelings are not = to facts. It is your partner's choice to see your character and trustworthiness and count it as credit to you, or not. And yours to figure out if how he is characterizing you is working for you when it is not grounded in truth.

In terms of your son, I see this as something you may want to be very vigilant around. It seems like you not only have the trust of your son to watch over your grandchild, but that the evening ended up being lovely. Your relationship with your son and his family is permanent and to be protected, imv.

Again, if your partner has his feelings about it..that's his responsibility to manage.

[Juju]

yes true it is up to him to manage his feeling ..... he doesn't seem to get it that if I'm not upset about the situation why should he be, he's not good at regulating his feelings, he is like a dog with a bone, he cjust an't seem to let it go!