Thoughts on ex-wife treatment of DD

escapingman · July 14, 2025, 05:46:12 AM

Do you have any thoughts on this because it really makes me feel a bit uncomfortable.

DD lives with me and very rarely see her mum, my ex-wife. Sometimes, very rarely, she forgets the past and she arrange to go and see her mum. Now, the two last times she has been there for something to eat, she has come home and felt sick and been sick the day after. The first time I put it off as unfortunate and maybe something wasn't cooked properly, but the second makes me wonder - could she be food poisoned? To add the story DD has never been sick (throwing up) since not living with her mum 3 years ago.

DD also told me that when she contacted her mum and said she wanted to come round for something to eat it wasn't received with a lot of joy but just an "OK see you then". During the divorce and the court proceedings DD told school and social services about being treated badly by her mum, could this be her being punished now years later? Apparently her mum and DD2 (DD2 lives with ex-wife and has taken her side) are going on holiday in the summer and DD has not been invited which also tells me that DD is clearly not being a part of their "family".

I am just a bit lost for words on this one, maybe it's just a simple telling DD to stop going there and absolutely not eat anything they give her. Maybe telling DD to meet at a neutral place such as a coffee shop or restaurant or something. I a bit worried there might be a big punishment coming up, intentional or unintentional - I know how unstable ex-wife can be and especially if she has a grudge (I know about her grudges as she carried one against my mum for 20 years for a minor incident the first time they met).

square · July 14, 2025, 09:14:10 AM

Holy moly, EM.

Does DD have any suspicions or thoughts on this at all?

escapingman · July 14, 2025, 09:46:34 AM

I think DD is quite suspicious, but I am not sure this is intentional or unintentional. Apparently it was DD2 that cooked the meals both times so not sure what is going on. I really want to believe it's something unintentional but my gut feeling tells me different. Then if it was done on purpose, I am not even sure it would have done by the ex or DD2 as DD2 has been severely brain washed and most likely told me and DD are the devils for what we have done.

square · July 14, 2025, 10:07:56 AM

You wouldn't be able to confirm suspicions without further trials, and that's not safe.

I think your idea of having her meet at a coffee shop or restaurant from now on is the best way to go. You don't know but it's too risky to find out.

I would personally consider DD2 an equal suspect.

square · July 14, 2025, 10:08:27 AM

But, holy moly.

blunk · July 14, 2025, 12:00:01 PM

I obviously can't know what has happened, but I do have another thought.

I, personally, experience stress as stomach upset. The best I can describe it is that I feel as if my stomach just twists in a knot. If I try to force myself to eat in that condition, I will become physically ill. Is it possible that these visits are traumatic enough for DD to experience something similar?

If that is the case, the coffee shop would be a good test. If she still comes away still feeling stomach sick, it would indicate that it is the interaction rather than the food causing her stomach symptoms.

Call Me Cordelia · July 14, 2025, 01:12:36 PM

If you're wondering whether or not someone is deliberately making you sick or whether they just have that effect on you... Yikes!

I think the message her body is sending her ought to be listened to here.

SeaBreeze · July 14, 2025, 08:59:48 PM

Whoa and wow! Ok, my thoughts as I gather them...

I'm leaning with Square in that your DD is not literally being poisoned, but rather the stress of your ex's toxic environment manifests in DD as physical illness.

With that being said, my first ex-uNPDh slipped me caffeine, which I can't have, and while I was pregnant with my own DD (!?) because he thought my caffeine sensitivity was all in my mind. And then my second ex-uNPDh tried to slip me certain ingredients that affect one of my health issues (telling others I wouldn't notice but then denying to me he'd even done it.) So while he wasn't poisoning me, it certainly would have made me sick. I couldn't help but wonder what else each of my husbands might have slipped in my food. Ultimately, the stress of being married to uNPDs and the trauma from their abuse lead to headaches, stomach problems, chronic pain, and autoimmune crap.

So, it could be your ex or DD2 slipped your daughter something bad. Or they used ingredients DD is sensitive to. Or, they're just bad cooks...? Or, maybe your DD's body is keeping the score and the stress makes her sick? Whatever is bothering her stomach, I agree meals outside of your ex's house might be a better choice for now.

escapingman · July 15, 2025, 08:49:25 AM

Thanks for your replies.

I have spoken to DD and she assures me she wasn't stressed or that any bad things were going on. Maybe her subconscious was in stress with the body remembering the past? But she said she didn't feel right about DD2 cooking the food, especially as it was chicken and we both suspect that she didn't cook the food properly. But I still have this feeling something could have been added to DD's food, DD2 was so nasty to DD during the last time when we all lived together and one of the reasons I had to separate the family during the proceedings was that I feared for DD's safety both from ex-wife but mostly DD2.

Poison Ivy · July 15, 2025, 06:38:57 PM

I think there are a few possibilities (all the ones suggested above). One thing I wonder about is DD's statement that she wasn't stressed. How could she NOT be stressed when visiting her mom and sister?

escapingman · July 16, 2025, 09:19:31 AM

Poison, she said she was absolutely fine and not stressed at all. She went there on her own and in fact invited herself there. I think she see them so rarely and so short time that ex-wife seems to be able to keep her out of becoming disorder when seeing each other. DD did spend a day with them last summer and that became toxic and that is the reason for the limited contact from DD's side.

Poison Ivy · July 16, 2025, 08:28:10 PM

DD is brave. Meeting her mom and sister at a place where they're not making food for her would be very appropriate under the circumstances.

Xyz · July 18, 2025, 02:42:34 PM

Similarly to SeaBreeze, the uPDm I live with tried to slip me an ingredient that adversely affects a health condition with which I had just been diagnosed. Side note, he has a lengthy history of accusing me of trying to poison him.

Blueberry Pancakes · July 21, 2025, 10:19:58 AM

Escaping man, I also say "Holy Moly".

To be clear, I do not have any similar situation with a child or former spouse. I do however have proof that I have been tracked and unrelated suspicions of other things.

What I believe is that narcissism involves a lack of boundaries and lack of empathy. With those two things, I question what the potentials may be.

I think your radar for any possibility is valid, and I would not dismiss warning indicators you may be sensing. I also agree with the thoughts of others to make sure the next get together occurs in a public place with meals prepared by others.