Covert Narcissist can destabilize you by nonverbal communication

[Fourdogs]

The covert narcissist doesn't have to use words to love bomb you. All they have to do is show you. Let me explain.
We are preparing for divorce. We are separated. She called in the evening and glowed and told me how we do not go well together bla bla bla. By the end of the call I was "wonky". Heart racing. Need to go to the area where she is living. Nutso. The next day it took nearly the whole day before I realized that it wasn't the words she used it was her visual looks. While talking to me she was glowing. It was the same love bombing looks and mannerisms. Anyone who has been under a covert narcissist spell knows the first time effect and how badly you desire that to happen again. Throw in that she would not drop me without someone else on the hook. I was frantic.

93% of communication is non verbal. They have honed their skills.

Really hope that helps.

[bloomie]

Fourdogs - your observations and experiences are very helpful. Thank you for describing this so very well!

[1footouttadefog]

Remember they don't love the way we do,  they reflect your love and their love of the fact you love them. 

[MaxedOut]

Interesting observation. I have been thinking that limiting contact with my ex to text/email after we separated was so much less stress inducing mostly because I could control notifications, take time/choose to respond, etc. and that it meant not having the more extended anger exposure and live-controlling attempts.

But yeah, so much is nonverbal and often contradictory, plus the frequent "observation-accusations" about my nonverbal communications meant so many things were this hugely managed stressor.

The one time we had broken up (years ago) we really didn't adequately talk about why and what now, but a big thing for me was exactly what you mention... the expressions and body language that was like early on.

My ex isn't much of a love bomber but it was definitely the glowy interest and vibes that got me thinking about getting back together. I don't even remember conversations ("staying friends" being the early intent) but I can still picture the expressions. That was before abusive behaviors really started, but looking back I was hungry for that type of nonverbal affection, interest, happy connection again etc. from her.