Abused by a pwBPD for 3 years and starting to think my dad is a narc

[cheverolet88]

Hi all what should I do? My first and only girlfriend ended up abusing me during our 3 year relationship (only emotionally/psychologically instead of physically, so I never really found out it was abuse until a several months after the break up during therapy). I'm visiting family right now and now I think my dad is a narcissist and my mom is an enabler (or the victim... idk). My dad got really upset at me over nothing while we were out, and tried to get me to apologize and feel sorry for him. I was really upset with him from this and in a really bad mood for the rest of the day until he apologized and said he really wanted to see the happy version of me and was sorry he told a story I didn't like (referring to the rage/emotional abuse/idk episode). I accepted that and felt better afterwards. I talked to my mom about it the next day and she got really defensive and upset when I suggested that my dad was emotionally abusive during that incident. Once she told me she would have divorced my dad around when I was born if she only focused on the bad. I remember writing letters to my parents when I was a very young child asking that they stopped fighting because I really didn't like it. The point is I think my mom believes everything is fine and I should't upset my dad because she has been coping with his abuse for the past 25 years.

Anyways my dad has always yelled at my brother growing up but not really ever me. He would get upset at me but I wouldn't never get aggressive, only be quiet and apologize. My brother was in trouble all the time but I never actually got in trouble as a kid. Arguments between my brother and I usually have him being very upset and aggressive while I stay quiet and shut down. I remember when my brother was bothering me as a kid I would just go to my dad and he would handle it by yelling at my brother .

I also think my best friend is a narcissist and I have been treating him like I am his mother. I'm questioning whether we can be friends now after he said something hurtful to me and mildly like abused or manipulated or idk me when I talked to him about the hurtful thing.

So my worry is my brother and mom have all been conditioned to calm down my dad, and would get very defensive if I suggested that dad is an abuser and say no actually I'm the problem.

So I'm going to therapy tmrw to talk about things but idk does this story make sense? Am I the crazy one? If my dad is a narc then what can I do? I thought we were all one big happy family until a few months ago, and I'd really like to still be close to my family and have fun with them.

Another anecdote is my dad has a drinking problem. My mom doesn't feel like she can talk about it with him and she did admit to being scared of him when I talked with her about it. My brother talked to him about it and got him to go a whole month without alcohol. I talked to him about it after he started drinking again and it turned in to an unpleasant argument but we did agree on a boundary to limit how much he drinks when I'm around. My point is my mom is scared of him but my brother seems to be able to talk to him even with upsetting topics.