Newbie to the site, and grateful to have found it.

[Texascoldfront]

Greetings all people!  I am a middle aged woman who comes with a lot of baggage, but I do ok on my own.  I have a special needs child who is the light of my life, but raising her alone is exhausting.  Having said that, being a single parent isn't my biggest challenge by far---it's my mother.

I have suspected for years now that she has a PD of some sort, but was never sure because she seemed to fit into many different categories and have characteristics of NPD and BPD.  When my stepfather passed a couple of years ago (her enabler) she has not only turned to me and my brother for everything, she has become completely non-functional.  She is help-rejecting complainer, bitter about her failure to attain top social status/wealth and could make a career around playing the victim.  To make matters worse, she is finally out of money after a lifetime of privilege and expects me and my brother to buy her expensive property and living the good life all while barely being able to function.  It's infuriating and overwhelming.  So that is what has brought me here--getting a better understanding on what might be going on with her and what I can do about it.  If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading and I look forward to being an active participant in this forum.  Be well!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You are in good company here.

I would like to guide you to the Toolbox - as it sounds like you are in a situation where you have contact with your mother - you will find good strategies there to help you protect yourself better.

See you around on the boards!

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG. Thank you for sharing a bit of context of the relationship issues with your mother that bring you here. I am glad you have found this supportive community.

There are resources gathered for you at the drop down menus above and other online, book, resource recommendations that other members have found helpful. Make good use of those and soak up the collective wisdom and insights found in the conversations taking place on the forum boards.

One of the first things I learned when arriving here was The Three C's Rule which says: "I didn't cause it, I can't cure it, and I can't control it". 

For me, that was such a good foundational truth. The only thing I can control, change, cure... is always only me. A mother, a fully fledged adult, who seems determined to make her children responsible for her is a heavy burden on you and your brother. Something I imagine you never agreed to.

There is hope, clarity, and a firm path forward and we are here to support you as you find what that looks like for you!!

Again, welcome! I look forward to seeing you on the forum boards!

[Izak80]

That's hard, especially dealing with a special needs daughter and being a single mother at the same time. Was the step father probably was at least a buffer? How long has he been gone?

I read the some of the toolbox information today for my own situation and it was very helpful