forewarned is forearmed

StartingHealing · August 09, 2025, 07:03:32 PM

Hello to all the brave souls here.

A cautionary tale:

Brief back story in case someone doesn't want to go through all my old posts. 25 years of marriage to BPD + (I think there is a mental illness that manifested from her chronic use of MMJ) June 2022, she was arrested on DV charges,{ I went total NC at that time except for legal proceedings } Divorce final in May 2023, marital residence issue settled Nov 2023.

Digging my way out of the financial hole and was doing real good until Sunday Aug 3. Ended up in hospital.

Come to find out that all those years of dealing with the typical BPD behavior took it's toll on me physically. The emergency room was concerned that I was either going to have a heart attack or possible stroke. It's not odd that once out of the immediate physical danger, as the body is trying to heal up, physical things appear. In my case it is high blood pressure. I'm on two different medications at the moment for that. My BP has lowered, still needs more to go. Working with a good Dr.

Never had any issues with BP at all up till this point.

Please be aware that the damage done may not be only mental / emotional / spiritual. The physical frame takes abuse as well. Makes sense that after so many years being on high alert all the time becomes the usual and actual relaxation / rejuvenation is something that the body forgets how to do.

Wishing all here, all the best

bloomie · August 10, 2025, 09:39:27 AM

Oh, Yikes!! I am thankful you are getting the medical support and help you are needing, but so sad to hear of this physical consequence of living in such stress for so long! Be gentle with yourself as you go!!

Thank you for this very important reminder that our bodies and nervous systems are greatly impacted by the trauma. Keep us posted as to how you are doing as you are able.

Rebel13 · August 10, 2025, 11:07:40 AM

Quote from: StartingHealing on August 09, 2025, 07:03:32 PMMakes sense that after so many years being on high alert all the time becomes the usual and actual relaxation / rejuvenation is something that the body forgets how to do.

Oh my gosh, so true! And in the case of kids raised in those environments, something the body/nervous system may have never LEARNED how to do in the first place.

Hang in there. This is a tough one. I still struggle with the expectation that as I learn how to manage myself better, my concomitant physical issues will improve as well. They may, but there also may be some that cannot be reversed, and for me that leads to quite a bit of grief that needs to be dealt with somehow.

StartingHealing · August 10, 2025, 07:51:31 PM

Quote from: bloomie on August 10, 2025, 09:39:27 AMOh, Yikes!! I am thankful you are getting the medical support and help you are needing, but so sad to hear of this physical consequence of living in such stress for so long! Be gentle with yourself as you go!!

Thank you for this very important reminder that our bodies and nervous systems are greatly impacted by the trauma. Keep us posted as to how you are doing as you are able.

Your welcome bloomie. The numbers are going down which is good. The side effects of the meds though... I'm not vain but hair loss? Duuuuddde. I'll swing around from time to time and put the updates on this thread.

StartingHealing · August 10, 2025, 08:12:03 PM

Quote from: Rebel13 on August 10, 2025, 11:07:40 AM
Quote from: StartingHealing on August 09, 2025, 07:03:32 PMMakes sense that after so many years being on high alert all the time becomes the usual and actual relaxation / rejuvenation is something that the body forgets how to do.

Oh my gosh, so true! And in the case of kids raised in those environments, something the body/nervous system may have never LEARNED how to do in the first place.

Hang in there. This is a tough one. I still struggle with the expectation that as I learn how to manage myself better, my concomitant physical issues will improve as well. They may, but there also may be some that cannot be reversed, and for me that leads to quite a bit of grief that needs to be dealt with somehow.

I have understanding Rebel13. At this time I have no idea if I will be on medication for the rest of my life or not. I have a rough idea of how I got to where I am. Need to reverse course and take what action I can. There is a turn of phrase from the south that would work good here it's "I'm all bowed up". No anger or rage. It's something that I need to do is all.

StartingHealing · August 13, 2025, 10:24:49 AM

08/13/2025
#'s in the ballpark now. 138/88

Had a few aha! moments along the way. Realized that I hadn't forgiven myself. That I hadn't quite gotten rid of the mind-job of being responsible in regards to the former spouse.

Also realized just how much a reliable car (because where I live, the public transport isn't good, and the uber - lyft - taxi's are crazy expensive and the area is a definitely based around cars) had also been a weight on me.

I got a new to me vehicle. Not fast or flashy. With proper maintenance the engine and transmission are good for 200,000 - 300,000 miles.

Wishing all the brave souls here, all the best

StartingHealing · August 23, 2025, 03:26:16 PM

Quick update since I saw the doc yesterday. He bumped on of the meds up a notch. His stated target for me is 130/80.

Trying hard to accept the situation without getting into story telling about it. That I've found is that is more difficult than it sounds.

I also took some additional steps to free myself from hooks to the past. Had an email account that had for years and years. Both I and the former spouse had used it for a long time. I finally deleted that this past week. I also deleted FB. Well, it wasn't really giving me anything of value and there were some things in the profile that could have led back to me. Been having a feeling of late that there was things needing attention and now that feeling has lessened considerably.

Wishing all the brave souls here. All the best

losingmyself · September 08, 2025, 11:27:08 AM

Thoughts and prayers to you, Startinghealing. I hope your new peace brings you healing. I listened to The Body Keeps The Score last year, and it was fascinating! I hope you've blocked all forms of communication he has with you. It brings peace and calmness. You don't need to know what he's saying, and anticipating what he'll say next brings stress that you don't need. I even went through and blocked him on all of my friends on FB! ( I have a small circle!)
Peace and love to you.
LM