10:20 AM

[Fourdogs]

10:20 AM today the registrar signed the divorce and handed me my chance to heal. My chance to grow. My chance to wake up surrounded by quiet and having days without chaos and manipulation and threats. The last couple months I have spent more time living alone than the entire rest of my life. I no longer dread being alone and at the same time I am willing to work towards healing and learning about myself and using better judgement in finding a new partner. All my other partners were chosen because I thought being with someone was better than being alone.
Thanks to this site who started me on this journey. It took a long time even with the teaching of Dr. Ramani. Think it was 3-4 years ago.
Eternally grateful.
10:20 AM changed my life for the better.

[bloomie]

Fourdogs - what growth you share in your update. Better days are ahead for you and I am thankful you can wake up surrounded by quiet and peace!

[Fourdogs]

Thank you Bloomie.

Walking away from Chaos

[StartingHealing]

I'm a wee bit further down the road than you fourdogs.  I second it, the peace the quiet, the space to relax.  Wonderful things all.

[MaxedOut]

Congratulations FourDogs. The other side is all that you mention and there is clarity around how much better being on one's own is so much better than the loudness, chaos, and manipulation. I am 9 months out and really just enjoying my self, my space, my peace, and reconnecting with friends and family. And, gosh, being able to simply make my own decisions, be my self, and care for me. I have been healing and thinking about what romantic connections might look like. I appreciate all the work I did on myself in my PD relationship and, who boy, the understanding about what's important and what to be more discriminating about.

But right now? I have spent so much time over so many years paying attention to what another person thinks, feels, and wants (in ways overriding myself) that I just want to kick back and enjoy things for a bit.

With this milestone, what are you doing FOR YOU to celebrate or mark the transition, FourDogs?

[Fourdogs]

Startheaing and MaxedOut thank you for your comments.

The 10 years together I ALLOWED her to influence me to remove friend after friend from my social network.

What am I doing??? Rebuilding lost friendships and creating new friendships. I believe the greatest tool anyone has of breaking free from a narcissist is having good supportive friends and just friends who we have not shared our personal lives with.
Think there is a very high risk of going back to the narcissist if we leave and are alone.
The two months we were separated I went out more walking in public and reconnected with lost friends and made new friends. Walking the dogs around the new neighborhood yielded many opportunities to build relationships with the neighborhood.

[MaxedOut]

I was thinking more like getting a nice dinner or catching a movie or enjoying some time outdoors this weekend

And you are absolutely right about connections. That has been huge for me too. I hope you do something(s) fun with friends this weekend!

[Fourdogs]

WoW life is good. Doing me things. For me.

[JustKeepTrying]

Congratulations Fourdogs. What a nice feeling and I hope you enjoy reconnecting with friends.

[xredshoesx]

it's been close to 19 years since I cut ties with my ex.  the peace.  oh, the peace.  congratulations on this momentous occasion!

[MaxedOut]

"Doing me things. For me."

Feels great doesn't it? For me that has had different textures. YOLO type decisions about my living space. Gentleness and care for myself when I was feeling that need. More fun, joy, play. A thing that is something like dating myself when it came to day to day and weekend decisions. And rebuilding those relationships and reconnecting without editing myself in case...

The silly meme statements like "well rested, moisturized, and protecting her peace." pop into my head with some regularity.