Recently diagnosed alcoholic nDad is losing it

[bear]

About a month ago, my nDad tried to corner me, while drunk,  into another "why I'm like this" conversation and I didn't take it well. I fought him on points I believe are rubbish and called him on his BS. He has a habit of hero-worshipping himself for saving my sister from a suicide attempt 12 years ago. He has tried to kill himself twice in the last 4 years, and brings it up whenever he can and did so on this occasion as well. I also called him out on arriving to a business meeting drunk. He lost it, spent three days sending me vile messages attacking me for my greatest insecurities. He then turned his charm on my sister and eventually my mom (we live together, he left 3 years ago cause we couldn't handle to drinking and suicide threats).

A couple of weeks after this he went for psychiatric evaluations with specialists and was formally diagnosed. He speaks about the team of people helping him get better but he's only getting worse. He's wreaking havoc in his business (which both my sister and mom work for), firing people, blowing up and basically acting like there are enemies everywhere. Over the weekend, he started a public fight with competition companies' employees and owners while drunk at an event and got removed from the event. He's now taken 6months leave from work.

I don't like my dad, but I don't hate him and don't want him to do anything stupid. No matter how badly he's treated us and especially my mother. The threats of suicide are now ringing heavily in my head and it feels like this is the last straw, the last threads of his ego/pride are being buried. All this time he has managed to keep his business reputation somewhat in shape, people don't like him but they have respected him. Without this I'm not sure he has anything left to fight for and certainly not sure he has the energy left to fight to help himself. I'm still convinced that he is only seeing this "team" to convince us that he is working on himself; otherwise, he would be taking measures to stop drinking.

Living in this hell is getting too damn tiring. I'm working so hard on myself, trying to create some self-identity, some self-confidence, some happiness in my own life. Every time I start to think I'm doing well, some storm rolls in and knocks me in the gut. I'm currently LC with him, but I'm financially dependent while I finish my undergraduate(which has been a JOURNEY) with all this noise constantly going on.

[Tribe16]

I'm currently LC with him, but I'm financially dependent while I finish my undergraduate(which has been a JOURNEY) with all this noise constantly going on.

Is there any way you can take out a student loan? I know debt sucks, but if it meant you could have enough cash to get on your feet and get a place of your own close to campus without depending on your dad, your freedom may be worth the pretty penny. It's hard, but not depending on Dad may be very freeing. Sorry you're going through this and hoping you can turn down the noise.

[Rebel13]

Hi bear! It sure sounds like your dad is in a downward spiral. I'm really sorry you have to cope with the fallout of his bad behavior and decisions.

In case you need to hear this, you're not responsible for him. He's a grownup, and he has choices. You're not responsible for him. His threats of self-harm are very alarming, I'm sure. Sometimes people make these kinds of statements in order to manipulate others, and sometimes out of their own pain and true intentions. Sometimes a combination. No matter what, it's too much for you to handle. You could feel totally justified in telling him that, if he continues to threaten self-harm, you'll need to involve medical professionals so that he can get the help he needs. If he's for real, he'll get help; if he's trying to guilt-trip you, the consequences or potential consequences might convince him not to do that anymore. If you're up to it, you can always listen if he wants to talk, but it's not up to you to rescue him.

Again, this situation is not your fault. You didn't create the situation or your dad's behavior, and you can't fix it.

I'm so sorry you had to grow up this way, but I'm very glad you are recognizing the problem and I hope you are seeking in-person help and solutions for yourself. All the best to you!!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome Bear! Have you heard of Alanon? Sounds to me that you, your mother and sister could benefit from attending their meetings.
Your father has an alcohol problem and he might take you all down with him.

He alone is responsible for his behaviour - nobody else in your family can make him do anything or can make him feel anything or can help him. The best you can do for now is to support each other an get help for yourself.