Not asking for advice, just venting

[Poison Ivy]

I have one sister and two brothers. Sister lives 50 miles away (town where we grew up), older brother lives two blocks from me, younger brother lives out of state. Older brother has long had a tendency to want to appear to be helpful while not being helpful; he blames much of the latter on the wife. My sister knows what older brother is like; she has been affected by some of his "Oh, I'd like to help but wife won't let me" situations.

I'm currently without a vehicle; my car broke down last weekend, and I had to get it towed the 40 miles back to my house.

Today, my sister asked whether I would be visiting her and our mom tomorrow. I usually go every weekend. I said no, I don't have a car. (Sister knows this; she was there for most of the breakdown debacle.) She said she thought I might be using one of my brother's cars, an offer he made once, the day after the breakdown when my siblings were all trying to appear to be helpful. I replied that I would ask brother for help only in an emergency. (This was not entirely truthful. I would ask brother for help in an emergency only if I had asked other people first and they all said no.)

Thank you for the opportunity to vent.



 

[bloomie]

Poison Ivy - I am thankful you shared and have hope that you will have your own car back up and running very soon. There is so much layered here in what you shared.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, Bloomie. I likely will not be getting my car repaired. I've already spent $600 on two tows and one attempted fix that was not sufficient to make the car safe to drive. But I've looked at a few used cars as potential replacements.

I walked to and from the dealership. For places too far to walk to, I'll use Uber or a cab.

I used to think that my hesitancy to rely on other people was a flaw and that I should learn to trust close family members (my spouse, my siblings) to help. My sister is helpful when circumstances allow; the others, not so much. 

[square]

Sounds frustrating. First, the car.

Then the question of whether you'd be making your weekly trip, in a way that I read (perhaps wrongly) as an obligation despite knowing you're not in a position to do it. And then pressure to "solve" the problem in a way known to be problematic.

If I were your sister, I would have commiserated with your car problem and reassured you that mom and I would see you whenever you got your car situation sorted.

[Poison Ivy]

Thank you, square. I appreciate your understanding of the situation.

[Poison Ivy]

I bought a new (to me) vehicle this morning. I much appreciate this forum and the people who visit it; being able to vent here made it possible for me to get through the time between the car breaking down and getting a replacement without oversharing with family and friends about my emotional baggage.

[bloomie]

I bought a new (to me) vehicle this morning. I much appreciate this forum and the people who visit it; being able to vent here made it possible for me to get through the time between the car breaking down and getting a replacement without oversharing with family and friends about my emotional baggage.

That is fantastic news! So very happy for you!!!!