Logistical question: Opening up a new bank account pre-split

[IsleOfSong]

Hi all — as I inch closer to breaking free from my marriage to my uNPDw, I am seriously getting my ducks in a row logistically (and in secret). I've made copies of the past several years of our tax returns, downloaded the past few years of bank statements to my Google Drive, done the same for mortgage statements and paperwork, and secured documents for the two cars that are in my name.

Now I am contemplating opening a separate checking account so that a) I can put the cash I've already set aside for a split someplace safer than an envelope in the back of my closet, and b) have the ability to write checks for a new rental home. My main concern is that bank paperwork (not to mention a box of checks) would be mailed to the house before I break the news to my wife, which would be extremely awkward if she happened to get the mail that day. Does anyone here have any suggestions? Someone once recommended I get my own account at a bank that's separate from the one my wife and I use. Thoughts? Suggestions?

[Poison Ivy]

Could you get a post office box?

[Rebel13]

Could you use a different address as your mailing address with the bank? A friend's house? Your work?

Where I live there are mailbox places where you can rent a mailbox for a few months until you move.

Also, you could delay ordering checks until you have a safe place to send them. Some banks or credit unions will give you a debit card right in the bank when you open the account. You could also consider getting a prepaid Visa to use until you have a safe address.

[square]

1- Set up a new email address for this new stuff. Do not associate it with any social media.

2- There are online banks that specialize in being all virtual, and you can go paperless. However, if you get a debit card, it will be mailed. You can decline a debit card and use Google Pay or Apple Pay instead - and yes, those are at least as safe as a debit card, a little safer even, and will turn your phone into a debit card.

HOWEVER, there's still a chance even an online bank may mail a privacy statement or something - they may be legally required to mail that.

3- You can ask a trusted friend or family member if you can use their address for this.

4- Cash was actually an option for me when I signed my lease, YMMV. I know that might not help, depends on whether she watches the accounts (my husband does not).

5- You could put this off. If you get a lead on a new place, you could see how long between payment and move-in is and act accordingly. If it's like a week, you could consider a hotel or friend's sofa until move-in and then go ahead and let the cat out of the bag. If it's a month, you could see about using a friend's address - doesn't take long to set up an account, so you can move quickly.

6- Say you're thinking of setting up a side hustle of some sort. That side hustle needs a bank account.

There's my brainstorm.

[square]

And you definitely do not need checks anymore

[IsleOfSong]

I like the idea of opening a new account and then holding off on getting checks printed/mailed. There is a credit union affiliated with my place of employment (a large university), so maybe I can open an account there and whatever mail they would happen to send (like a debit card) would fly under my wife's radar as something related to a work-related mailing list I'm on. Any mail that's addressed to me, she leaves for me to either open or toss if it's junk mail.

Square, I realize that checks are something that are becoming increasingly passé — but wouldn't some landlords want a paper check for rent, though? If so, maybe I could get a bank check or temporary checks to put down a deposit on an apartment. I just have no idea what payment options are standard is in rental properties these days. (I haven't rented an apartment since the late 90s!)

[square]

A temporary check is fine if you're renting from someone old fashioned. Most landlords are taking digital payments today.

Sounds like mail is fine as long as it's not a box of checks. Great! Just use the temporary check on the off chance you need it and you'll have plenty of time to order a new set.

Compared to when you and I were young renters, there are fewer small time landlords who just have 1-3 properties. They still exist but now the market is controlled largely by faceless corporations with many properties in multiple towns/cities.

The larger landlords now use portals where you can log in and pay, and see a record of past payments. The portals often have ways to report maintenance requests and stuff like that. They like it all done through the portal rather than chasing down checks. I remember in 1995 the landord actually showed up at my door every month to collect our checks, lol.

The really small time old fashioned landlords with no portals will still be taking rent via Bill Pay from your bank - pretty much every bank, even the teeny ones, offer it now. It's basically a digital check, no paper involved, just get your landlord's bank details and log into your account to set them up to pay.

Younger small time landlords will just take Venmo or whatever.

So the temp check is just fine.

IsleOfSong, I'm writing from my apartment right now and fervently hoping you'll be feeling this peace in the future when you are ready.

[IsleOfSong]

Thanks all for the suggestions! I think I just needed to "think out loud" here and get the thoughts out of my head and in some semi-coherent form before I make any moves on the banking front.

Square, a peaceful apartment like yours is my dream! Hoping to get a space of my own soon enough. :-)

[Tribe16]

Square, I realize that checks are something that are becoming increasingly passé — but wouldn't some landlords want a paper check for rent, though? If so, maybe I could get a bank check or temporary checks to put down a deposit on an apartment. I just have no idea what payment options are standard is in rental properties these days. (I haven't rented an apartment since the late 90s!)

Several years ago we rented for one year while our house was being built - our apartment complex required us to pay our rent on an online payment portal so we didn't use checks at all for rent. My guess is that most large complexes are doing the same.

[SeaBreeze]

Ex and I had separate bank accounts and credit cards, but toward the end I switched everything to paperless so he didn't see any statements showing my exit fund, escape/travel reservations, apartment application fees, etc. As others have pointed out, most banking is digital now including rental payments. Although my current landlord takes checks OR money orders, but that is literally the only thing I write checks for (but again, landlord takes money orders, too.) If you do need the bank to mail you anything, can you get a post office box?

[MaxedOut]

I referred everything to the PO Box of a family member. The medium term vrbo/airbnb I stayed at for several months was all digital (lease, payment). Renters insurance took minutes via Lemonade. I did have a whole banking thing (unrelated to split) happen that necessitated quick set-up and they gave me like 5 temporary checks that visit (it is a credit union and necessitated customer service rep consult and a chunk of time but they can do cashiers checks, wire transfers, temp checks, etc.).

[IsleOfSong]

Thanks, everyone. I will certainly be bookmarking this thread . Hadn't even considered the renters' insurance question, but now I've got a name for that, too. Appreciate you all!