PD Neighbor & Their Flying Monkey

[LikeTheSea]

I have a difficult neighbor who is either borderline or psychopathic and lives with her husband next door. I lived with my partner, now ex, who had a PD in the same place I am now. She and my ex spent much time together. I'm pretty sure they had an affair. I think he promised her we'd divorce and he'd marry her and sign over half my house to her. When my ex left the country, she was really upset. I was granted the house in our divorce and was hoping for better days ahead.My partner had isolated me. I wanted to befriend some neighbors (not her) and live my life.

It didn't happen. She started to insert her way into my life and home. She had a contractor come into my backyard. I chased him out and called the police. That got some trash in my backyard.  When I talked to a neighbor, she'd throw trash in my yard or turn the hose on my patio. She wore similar clothes to me. She extended her Halloween decorations over to a small part of my house without asking. 

She'd glare at me on the sidewalk and even through my front window. I bought curtains to stop this.  She told me a contractor said I ruined her property and demanded restitution. I asked for the name of the contractor and his number to talk to him. She never sent it. We share a fence, which includes below my deck. I went in there and one of the boards was loose. It looked like they had broken in. I felt like I was living in hell.

Around this time, new neighbors of ours one door down were remodeling their place. She complained to the town building department that they were noisy and dirty. She said they employed illegals. The town government ignored her so she wrote a petition for neighborhood signatures. I refused to sign it because it was not true and it was a witch hunt. The new neighbors had their contractor draft a letter in their defense and post it around the neighborhood. 

I started reading anything I could about personality disorders, including this website, to protect myself. I stopped talking to her, went grey rock, went medium chill, and went about my business. She tried goading me and I didn't take the bait. I pretended she didn't exist. She got the message. I could relax a bit though still unnerved. I bought security cameras to place around my house to catch her if she tried something.

Not one neighbor speaks to her after all this craziness, except for one. She's a renter down the street. This new friend of hers is a vulnerable person. Before I knew they were pals,  I saw her when walking around when I was. I was friendly and said hello.

She would say nonsense to me, glared at me and screamed in my direction. She has screamed at others too. She's had her dog pee on my brick steps. She sees the time I leave for work and has her dog pee on the sidewalk where I leave my house a few times a week. I dress up sometimes and she really doesn't like it. She had her dog poop in front of my house. I believe she is serving as a flying monkey to my PD neighbor. The PD neighbor is getting around my grey rocking of her by using this unstable woman.

I'm grey rocking, ignoring, carrying my phone while walking and cutting through a nearby alley to avoid her friend on the sidewalk. It's not helping. Nothing which is supposed to deter problem people from stalking/harassing is working.

The thing is I have no idea what this is about. I was thinking is my neighbor afraid I'll tell her husband about the affair?  Or she wants to goad me into screaming at her friend. Her friend could then sue me for harassment?

I'm at my wit's end again. I'd appreciate any suggestions. Thank you!

[bloomie]

LikeTheSea - I am sorry this has sat for a bit. What an awful, awful experience! Mind boggling!

The cameras around your home are brilliant and will hopefully give you some peace of mind and evidence, hopefully not needed, if your neighbor trespasses again. 

As for this new person, given she screams at others it is hard to know for sure what is motivating her aggressive and upsetting behaviors. Either way, using your tools or gray rocking, ignoring, avoiding are really wise. And if you are not already, documenting everything that is happening would seem like a good idea given the hostility toward you by a stranger that makes zero sense.

A really great resource is the work of Bill Eddy who is an expert in how to deal with high conflict people. Here is a link to an excellent video and he has free articles on his website that may be of help, too.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wa54Gabwwyw

Let us know how you are doing! I am just so sad you are experiencing this with both of these neighbors!

[Rebel13]

I had neighbor issues a few years ago and it was very nerve-wracking, setting off all my alarms from past situations and making me feel really unsafe. I'm so sorry you're having to go through that.

We put up a camera and eventually, when we involved law enforcement, the video was super helpful in getting the officer on our side. He then talked to the neighbor and there's been radio silence from over there since then. Which suits me just fine.

It's hard to know when to involve others -- sometimes, especially if it's more a nuisance than truly illegal stuff, that can escalate the behavior since disordered people like to think that no one is the boss of them!!!! But you could consider legal action, like a restraining order; at least research what that process is like in your area or maybe discussing with a lawyer whether what's happening rises to the level of harassment or some other legally enforceable thing. Again, I think that's an extreme solution, but it sounds like you are doing your best trying to ignore, keep records, and it doesn't sound like she's getting bored with your nonreactions. I would think the fact that she had an affair with your ex-husband would strengthen your case if you did decide to involve the authorities.

Wishing you best of luck!