Help! I'm in a hole!

[Abigail.2025]

I have a dilemma.

Right now, everything feels stacked against me. My health is poor, I have no money, and I have no real support system. No friends—because you need your health to make and keep friends, and mine hasn't allowed that.

I'm completely dependent on my personality-disordered husband, and the healthier I become, the more toxic and crazy-making he gets.

It's a constant strain: I'm fighting to rebuild my health while also trying to find ways to earn my own income—and the more progress I make, the more unhinged he becomes.

I finally understand why his ex-wife and children want nothing to do with him. Truly, I do. I know why his brothers hate him.

I understand why his kids are estranged. When there's no emotional connection, there's no foundation to build on. He tried to "correct" them, but without love or understanding, correction turns into control—and that's why they pulled away.

As time goes on, I've started to see his patterns clearly. I can name them now: gaslighting, minimizing, shifting blame—and then comes his favorite act, the Victimhood Olympics. He's always THE VICTIM. ALWAYS.

He and his crazy, self-righteous mother can do no wrong in their own minds. They're perfect, and everyone else is the problem.

Then come the toxic dog whistles, the threats of smear campaigns, and the endless projections—everything he accuses me of, he's guilty of himself.

I'm exhausted. I'm done.

And when I tell him my blood pressure is spiking from the stress he causes, he yells at me about that too—turns it all around and insists that I'm the reason I'm stressed.

At this point, all I can do is pray.

Pray to God for peace, strength, and deliverance.

Around his family—especially his mother—I don't feel safe.

It's as if his mother had ever decided to poison me, my PD-husband would be the first one to help her bury the body.

[MaxedOut]

First, that is fantastic that you are prioritizing and improving your health. And it is, unfortunately, pretty common for that to trigger PDs. I am sorry you are not getting cheered on and supported. It sounds like your health is likely worse due to the relationship (mine improved significantly after ending things).

Have you talked to a lawyer about divorce? You may be surprisingly better resourced with divorce. Stuff like spousal support and your share of assets like net home value can amount to a significant total (e.g., my ex uBPDw!).