Ugh….those pesky triggers

[Liketheducks]

Not necessarily parent related, but this is the forum I use most.  Got triggered HARD a few days ago.   For reference, he had an affair 7 years ago.   We are actually really good.   Went through the therapy....we've both done so much work.   I'm honestly grateful for where we are now.   

He said something without thinking a couple of days ago and I spiraled.   People in relationship do things that are crappy, misunderstood, and well crappy.   Felt utterly hopeless, like nothing would ever get better.    I recognize, my ability to rebound from this stuff is hamstrung.   

There is a part of me that thinks, other than my son, I'd be enormously happy being an absolute hermit.  And, my son is human.   He's gonna F-up too.   People are crap.   Growing up with parents like this and having to distance yourself from your people to protect yourself makes it an escape hatch.   Though, I'm afraid my instinct is to cut myself off at anytime.   

My go to is to completely shut down and cut off at this point, out of the sense of protecting myself.   How do you be vulnerable and in a full relationship without immediately jumping to the place where you go absolutely NC with IDK, everyone?   

Been weighing if I should become the crazy cat lady or not....

[walking on broken glass]

Resounding yes to the cats! 🐈�⬛ 🐈

Kidding aside, I also find managing my triggers tricky and I also have the tendency to withdraw and shut down. I think it's really important that you recognize that. You can tell yourself when it happens that this is what it is, and you can take some time and space for yourself before you go back among the living, as it were. I think we are prone to thinking that we could go no contact with almost everyone on bad days, when we are physically and mentally exhausted and everything feels like crap. But I am sure if you were asked on a 'good' day, you would find people you wouldn't want to give up on. I am trying to make peace with the fact that my experiences have shaped my life in such a way that I won't ever be able to not have certain reactions to things. But it's ok. It's human. And I am trying to do better. Most importantly, I know I am not actively harming people by my reactions, unlike our PD relatives.

Sending you hugs and strength!

[Call Me Cordelia]

lol I recognize myself here too! I get triggered and people are all just the worst and gosh, God you were perfectly happy why did you have to go and create all of us snow-covered dunghills?!?!

And it feels as if everything is just going to be terrible forever and ever. But if you could just get your prefrontal cortex onboard, you would remember: It won't. You feel that way, but that doesn't make it true!

I'm also trying to remember: It's okay to have a bad day! It's okay to need a break! It's okay to be human!

[NarcKiddo]

If you haven't read Pete Walker's book "CPTSD - from surviving to thriving" I suggest you do. What you describe sounds very much like an emotional flashback and he has many suggestions in the book for how to manage them. That feeling that it will last forever is a really big pointer to child reactions having been provoked. But as Cordelia says, if you can get your prefrontal cortex back online it's easier and quicker to get back out of the triggered situation.