Is there a light at the end of this tunnel?

[DogLover47]

My childhood wasn't f-ed, but I never had healthy relationships modelled for me. I was responsible for my mother's emotions and her emotional needs. I walked on eggshells and dulled myself to however she wanted me to be.

When I got out, I said never again. But, it seems I am drawn to these types of relationships.

My current partner and I were friends before deciding to date. It was amazing, we fit each other so well and conversations and laughter would fly by like a warm summer breeze. A month or so after making it official we started having problems and he admitted to me he has bipolar and bpd. It was a bit of a shock. Because of my mother, I swore not to date anyone with these conditions and he knew that. But, he was different, he acknowledged his problems and was willing to work on them. Now, we're six months in and he's medicated and sees a regular therapist. We still have issues, at this point more frequently than not.

He can't acknowledge he's hurt me (emotionally, he's not physical) unless I first admit I was wrong for something too.

Saying he hurt me makes him incredibly defensive and immediately he's picking out my faults.

If I talk about how he negatively affects me, he becomes severely depressed.

He says "my tone changed" during random times, during random conversations and blames me for being angry or mean.

All of his problems are both "not my fault" and also extensively explained to be my fault.

He brings up my past relationships constantly and laments how he can never be as good as them and how I must be secretly still in love with them.

I've learned to curb the way I talk and what I talk about to not trigger him.

I get so exhausted from constant talks, I've found I've totally isolated myself.

He gets sad about not being included in everything.

He gets sad if I don't prove that I'm thinking about him all the time.

He gets sad at any slight evidence that I don't love him enough.

He constantly says he loves me more than I love him.

I am not enough for him.

He makes hurtful jokes and gets upset when I don't understand how they're jokes.

Some boundaries have been successful, like I told him he had to be in therapy and on meds and I told him he can't threaten the relationship in arguments.

I've noticed recently, that every time I try and pick myself back up and/or have something important going on and/or am having a good day, something happens. He starts an argument, saying my tone changes or something. Says something badly and then says it's my fault for not listening and making him feel heard.

These arguments are really emotionally hard on me and as much as I would love to dust it off and continue on, I find myself wallowing in depression. I cancel plans, I don't do work, I pretty much sleep all day to avoid the pain.

He makes narratives in his head that I can do nothing to disprove.

Recently, I tried to express my feelings and talk about how bad are arguments were (he tried to say how proud he was that our arguments were getting better, even though in the last one he had me crying in public apologizing while he said he didn't believe me) and how badly they affected me. I thought it went well, I felt a little better.

I got a call at 5am this morning, he was on a bridge and had been there 2 hours, someone had cut the zipties that let people jump over the barrier and commit suicide, so instead he decided to call me. I got him off the bridge, but something inside my soul broke.

This is just like my mother. How am I here again?

He's in therapy, he's on meds, is there a chance he will get better? What do I do? What if he hurts himself?

[GoodPesto]

DogLover47, my heart goes out to you.
It's unfortunately not uncommon to end up in relationsships that resemble the ones we grew up in, so first of all: You are not alone in this. The "How" you're asking is good question some people have tried to answer from a psychological point of view. Partly it's because that's all we know, what we are used to and have been shaped to live with. I lost count on how many times I thought "Enough. That's it. Never again", just to find myself drawn to hell again. Many in this forum have experienced this, so you came to a place where there is a good understanding of what's going on for you.
What you are describing about your relationship is pretty frightening and honestly I hope you get out sooner than later. This is bad. If you reread your own points with a little bit of distance you might see why a complete stranger on the internet might feel this way.
You had a friend who knew his diagnosis is a firm boundary for you. He went down the romantic road with you anyway and told you only after you were hooked.
Within a very short time you shut down your life, are finding yourself escaping to sleep, you walk around desperatly crying in puplic, exhausted from tending to his emotional needs that seem like a black hole you're trying to fill with love.
Save yourself, Doglover, that's what I think you need to do.
If you have a look at the common traits-section on this website you will find a few that will match the behaviour of your friend. There is another section with recommendations on what to do and what not to do. Next time someone around you is displaying suicidal behaviour, help yourself too and ask for professional help (911), no matter what the other person might think of it.
It's hard to tell if he will get better. If so, it will surely take a lot of work on his side and time. Chances are he is going to therapy and taking meds for you and not for himself, which to my mind would block any genuine healing.
I know you're in a tough spot. Be kind to yourself. Prioritize your own sanity. Come back here and let us know how things are for you whenever you feel like it. You are stronger than you think and deserve a peaceful life.
From another doglover, best wishes

[notrightinthehead]

DogLover your situation sounds unbearable. You have come to the right place, many of us have been where you are now. You are not alone. I urge you to
1. get support for yourself. Find a self help group like CoDA, a therapist, a social support group.
2. Study the Toolbox 'what to do' and 'what not to do' and begin to implement the strategies.
3. Get a copy of the Book 'Stop Caretaking the Borderline/Narcissist' by Fjelstad. Implement the strategies desccribed in it.
4. Study the list of traits and make sure you know what you are dealing with.
5. Come back here often and record your progress.

I am sorry you had to find us and glad you did.

[1footouttadefog]

Being on meds and in therapy are not necessarily going to make the situation what you need it to be. 

Even if he has some progress due to them, it does not mean you are trapped in the relationship.

You get to decide of it works for you.  What you experienced is so common in a PD relationship.  They give the non a false version of themselves and after we fall for it the truth comes out then they devalue us because we know the truth.

I read a lot of attention seeking behaviour in what you describe above.  It almost seems he equates you giving him attention with "love". 

You are not alone, the things you describe are common
  I am sorry you are experiencing them.  Continue to read here and I highly recommend the tool box and the 100 traits list.