Scapegoat daughter dealing with elderly father

[Wanderer1226]

Hi everyone,

My father has covert narcissist traits. My mother was the classic enabler and my sister is the golden child. I am essentially no contact with my sister. She is extremely cruel and has made herself out to be the innocent victim who has never done anything wrong.

My father is in his 80s and his behavior has gotten worse the older he gets. He is incapable of calling me without talking about my sister. Either she did something wonderful or she has a big problem. There is no room for me in any of our conversations.

I have limited my contact with him because of this. Currently I am looking ahead to next year because he will be moving into assisted living near my sister. His hyper focus on my sister is bad enough but I am sure it will grow exponentially worse!

I am also struggling with some one-sided friendships and I want to work on that. I have read through a lot of the posts in the friends section and they have been extremely helpful!

[notrightinthehead]

Welcome! You are in good company.

[NarcKiddo]

Welcome. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. My mother is similar, though she switches the position of me and my sister at the drop of a hat. What is abundantly clear is that there is no room for me whatever my position, so I know how you feel on that score. I've come to see it as something of a relief, to be honest. I don't want her spotlight on me because that only brings nastiness in my direction. Far easier to smile and nod and think of something else when she is banging on.

I wish you well as you navigate these difficulties.