First steps to freedom

[Time4change]

Hi everyone,

I'm new here and trying to understand a very difficult home situation. I'm currently still living under the same roof as my estranged partner. We both have children from previous relationships, as well as children together.

The main issue I'm facing is the constant blame. Any disagreement — even very minor ones — is framed as my fault, including arguments that begin elsewhere or happen in front of the children. The atmosphere is unpredictable, and I find myself being extremely careful with what I say to avoid things escalating.

I'm also concerned about patterns I'm seeing with the children. My youngest regularly looks to their mum for approval before answering simple questions, almost as if they're unsure whether it's "allowed" to speak freely. I've also seen incidents where the youngest is blamed for things that I know they didn't do. If I try to gently clarify what actually happened, I'm accused of undermining.

Another one of the children (now late teens) has described feeling intimidated and mistreated by someone who was brought into their life, and has spoken about feeling threatened and bullied in the past.

I'm here because I'm trying to better understand what these dynamics mean, how to stay grounded in the facts, and how to support the children without making the situation worse for them. A friend recommended this forum as a place where people might recognise these patterns and offer advice. I'm happy to support others here too.

Thanks for having me.

[bloomie]

Time4change - hi, and welcome to the forum. My apologies that your intro post sat for a bit without the warm welcome you deserve!!

You describe a complex living and parenting environment! Your concerns for the kids development and emotional safety, as well as your own, seem important to pay close attention to.

We have a great toolbox at the dropdown menus above where you will find simple do/don't info for particular traits you are encountering that I highly suggest.

In terms or dealing with a high conflict type of person you are attempting to co parent with and navigate a home environment with I have found the work of Bill Eddy to be of such a help.

Here is a link to his free articles to get you started building a toolset for when faced with arguments and blaming behaviors from your partner: https://www.highconflictinstitute.com/articles/page/2/

Take some time to settle in and read through the resources and conversations taking place on the sub forums. Sending you wisdom and strength as you continue forward in your path to freedom and healing! I look forward to supporting you as you share!