help dealing witha narcissistic brother withthe holidays

[midwestmom]

I know this is last minue and I am new here. I would like some advice of phrases to use with dealing with my alcoholic narcissistic brother at the holidays. He likes to make fun of me and I usually just let him, but I have some medical issues recently and I do not want to share with him because they are GI related and he will be a complete jerk. I wish avoiding him would work but my dear mother would be so upset and I won't do that to her. I plan on saying "I am not going to discuss this" over and over but he is so persistent and mean. Any other tips? And no- my mom doesn't see him as a narcissistic. Just a golden child. My other brothers and sisters see him for what he is but they will not be in town.

[xredshoesx]

welcome to the group midwestern mom- I'm sorry someone didn't see this yesterday to give you some helpful tips before thanksgiving-

I have not always had a good relationship with my MIL (in fact she literally ignored me for like 2.5 holiday cycles in face to face gatherings) bc I told her she couldn't come live in MY house with her son.....for free...part of the year....

when we do conversate now I keep it light and generic and often employ the 'grey rock' technique bc it gives her NOTHING to argue with

here's the link and I hope this helps-  on a side note both my DH and I have different forms of colitis so I know how challenging unseen autoimmune issues can be  gentle hugs to you today

https://outofthefog.website/what-to-do-2/grey-rock-safe-detachment

[bloomie]

midwestmom - welcome to Out of the FOG! Yikes the proximity we don't otherwise have with difficult, intrusive family members whose behaviors are difficult to hold up under is hard.

Along with the gray rock method xredshoesx recommends, as do I, the work of Jefferson Fisher has been really helpful to me in developing a few phrases and responses to have in my back pocket when faced with similar situations. I like his approach because it is kind yet firm. A

A link to his YouTube channel: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCXjnpu6lK0HoUyOMh2ZBwhQ

I hope you weathered Thanksgiving and that these suggestions will be empowering to you in the coming weeks!