Hello

[robjackson43]

Hello. I believe I have been greatly abused for years but badly recently due to external stress. Family court stuff with my ex.

Current wife I have come to discover likely suffers from covert NPD. There are borderline traits as well.

How did I find out?

Her daughter with lots of cluster b tendencies, smeared cat food on my 10 year old's wall to get a rise out of me. This is a 22 year old smearing cat food wet and dry.

Mom and daughter were in the house. I could tell daughter was unstable. I told mom not to let her over.

Mom cannot and will not believe daughter did this. It's so obvious she did. I have cameras but not in bedrooms obviously.

The delusion freaked all of us out. And I started researching. My research led me here.

I think mom is willing to get help but I will have to push it. She might be lying.

I'm a Christian. My first divorce was likely due to a PD as well. I don't want to run from this. I love her. She was raised in a cult like church. This isn't her fault.

But I can see it all clearly now. RAS very aware. Thank you for the help or support in advance.

[bloomie]

Hi and welcome to Out of the FOG! Thank you for reaching out and sharing a bit of the difficulties you are facing. What an awful experience you had in your home. Things sound very complex given the background of your wife and the outrageously upsetting behaviors of your wife's daughter.

Your commitment to hopefully get insights and help from a professionally trained person is commendable. Many who come here find the toolbox at the drop down menu above helpful and the resources gathered across the forum a good support. Take some time and look through the resources and read the insights of others in the conversations on the subforums. When you are ready, join the conversations!

[OverHere]

Hi Rob  I am sorry you are going through this.  Can I suggest a resource for you?  There is a channel on YouTube called "Narcissistic Recovery Healing for Empaths" and she has made some of her videos for men involved with covert NPD women.  She's going to say to encourage your wife, hard, to take time for herself doing things she genuinely enjoys. This would probably be very very hard to achieve for reasons you would probably find totally baffling but some people seem to be wired backwards. Once again, I am sorry for your situation and I hope you find the answers that work for you.

[Lookin 2 B Free]

Good luck with this, RJ43.  Hopefully you have perused our toolbox and other resources.  One thing I found essential was to bring focus back to me and see what help and support I needed as a person who had been affected by pwPDs.  It's hard when it's so obvious that the pwPD has so much more need for help. 

My own experience was that all my very hard work in his direction, including successfully getting him to go to therapy, would only seem to move the needle and that was temporary. In the end the disordered thinking would always win out and wipe out any improvements.  For someone who's ready to seek help on their own, maybe that's not the case.  In any case, I needed to find my own balance and fullness of life that was not centered on managing the craziness of a PD.    Let us know how you're doing . . .

[OverHere]

Good luck with this, RJ43.  Hopefully you have perused our toolbox and other resources.  One thing I found essential was to bring focus back to me and see what help and support I needed as a person who had been affected by pwPDs.  It's hard when it's so obvious that the pwPD has so much more need for help. 

My own experience was that all my very hard work in his direction, including successfully getting him to go to therapy, would only seem to move the needle and that was temporary. In the end the disordered thinking would always win out and wipe out any improvements.  For someone who's ready to seek help on their own, maybe that's not the case.  In any case, I needed to find my own balance and fullness of life that was not centered on managing the craziness of a PD.    Let us know how you're doing . . .

I like this and wish I hadn't forgotten. This will set a good and loud example.