Blasted my uPD sister

[Lamplite]

Ok. After several years of NC with my uBPD/HPD sadistic sister who treated me like her emotional punching bag,I reunited with her cautiously to jointly care gor our dying parents. It was ok at first, but over time she has reverted to type with unprovoked insults, backhanded compliments, seeking to involve me inmanufactured chaos and conflicts with others, triangulation etc. I've responded by voicing my boundaries, distancing, grey rock and not reacting. In the last few days though, she's trampled my boundaries, ignored my request for space while Im ill, rode roughshod over my need to act jointly over some legal admin, overriding me and acting behind my back. So I've walked away. She realised and attempted a hoover today, arriving unannounced at my house, demanding my cooperation, accusing me of being nadty to her when I lost all patience, denied any past wrongdoing that would explain my mistrust of her and said she simply 'would Not Permit' me to walk out of her life again. This ended in me losing patience, telling her she's doomed to losing everyone in her life because she's disordered and refuses to take responsibility for her behaviour. She of course denied it, and wouldn't leave till I threatened her with the police. I've truly had enough of her BS. I do know her reactions were entirely predictable but Im shaken because I hadn't planned to do it. Im so used to keeping control, being rational, planning ahead, and I just let it all out. I don't admire my behaviour but I cant take anymore. From past experience I can now expect vengeance and the smear campaign. Here I am again, back where I vowed Id never be again. Grateful for any words of comfort. I feel genuinely sad but she'll kill me if I don't get rid of her.

[SisterBlue]

It is SO hard to maintain our own emotional regulation in these cases. I think it's only human to fail at it. Even when I succeeded, I was told that I "didn't have enough raw emotion," to prove that I loved her. I'm so sorry you're feeling this way and dealing with this stress. This exact scenario terrifies me for my future too. Much love.

[Lamplite]

Thank you SisterBlue. I feel so sad and alone, being worn down by her cruelty, manipulation and need for dominance. I found a photo of myself aged about 4 today. I feel so sad for that little soul going home to be beaten and harrassed by a BPD mother and targetted for abuse by her only sibling who picked up the PD family trait. And ignored by an enDad who did nothing - except take photos. Today's a bad day.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Hello Lamplite. What you did is OK.

It is one of the most challenging things to re-engage with someone you deliberately cut out of your life (for very good reasons) in order to tend to the needs of aging parents approaching their final days. In my view, there is no right or wrong way to wade through this storm, and we sort of navigate as we go when we read signs along the way.

While history with some people is a good indicator of future events, it is impossible to know for sure exactly what will occur with them in advance. Sometimes I think they continue to surprise us with their ability to dig to new lows, break assumed ethical boundaries and exploit the vulnerable. It can feel leave you feeling appalled, shocked, disturbed and regretful for having allowed any interaction.

I was in a similar place last year with my sister and aging parents. My sister did everything I thought she could do but hoped would never get that bad. Perhaps you can take this as confirmation and additional clarity in your NC stance. No need to blame yourself for anything. The most important thing is to be kind to yourself.

[Lamplite]

Thanks Blueberry Pancakes. Sorry to hear youve had similar difficulties with your own sister. Its terribly difficult. Mine is so domineering, and manipulative but fortunately im wise to her ways its exhausting to have to navigate them again. It was a relief to offload all my pent up resentments to her but of course totally futile. Brick wall. Thanks for your encouragement hx

[Stayingstrong]

Hi Lamplite,
I'm so sorry that you're having to go through this.Your post just made me cry because I had a very similar situation happen right before Christmas of this year. I pride myself on staying calm and not taking the bait, but my sister can push me to the point I can't control myself anymore and I just start screaming at her.  (Then she just smirks and condescends more). Each time it happens after I get past my shame, I remind myself that I am human and I can only take so much and I strategize on how to make my boundaries stronger for the next time. One thing that has become painfully obvious to me is that this is going to be a long process.