Schizoid sibling

[Sunflower79]

Hi all,

I've just discovered that my older sibling might have Schizoid PD and with this information in mind, a lot of our past makes more sense.  I'm looking to hear from anyone who has a ScPD sibling and what your experience has been like.

Like many here, I grew up in an unsafe household with a parent who, I believe, is a narcissist.  To make matters worse, we lost one parent in our early teens and the one who remained was neglectful at best. It was a huge mess, and it is my feeling that my sibling got the worst of it (though what I endured was no picnic) and probably developed Schizoid PD as a result.

I've been so incredibly hurt by their behavior for these many years- in so many ways- but their utter disinterest in me or having any relationship, I would say is the worst thing.  To be honest, it's been brutal emotionally.

Can anyone relate?

[bloomie]

Sunflower79 - welcome to Out of the FOG. I am thankful you have found us and that you have a diagnosis and some context for behaviors that have been wounding and inexplicable in your sibling. I am so sorry for the reality of the limits that this puts upon a relationship we hope can be a support and help given the huge mess your growing up years have been.

I hear compassion in your post for your sibling and yet an important recognition that you need support as well for the pain the disinterest and disregard from a loved one brings. I can closely relate. It's a club none of us want to be part of that is for sure. And yes, you describe it so well... it is brutal!

The peer to peer support I have found in this community has been a unique and beautiful kind of balm to my hurting heart. I hope you will find your time here to be the same. Keep coming back and sharing as you are able. I look forward to supporting you!

[looloo]

Hi Sunflower79 

I'm not on here very much anymore, but was quite a bit for a few years.  This site helped me so much as I processed my dysfunctional family.  I mostly focused on my malignant narcissist mother (deceased since April '25), but I also have a brother who checks a lot of the boxes for Schizoid PD, probably with some Autism Spectrum Disorder as well.

I'm not sure what the causes could be for Schizoid PD, but I think it's safe to say it's nature and nurture both.  My brother is 1) adopted, 2) very close in age to me -- about 8 months older.  My parents didn't think they could have bio children, then when they were adopting my brother as a newborn, voila! my mother got pregnant with me.  I hear that's not uncommon, lol.

I have very early memories so I remember my brother and I playing as very small kids, like around 3-5 years old, but I also remember always being the one to initiate and to "direct" whatever it was.  He didn't have friends, didn't engage socially unless he had to, really.  And then as he got older, he had more behavioral issues in school. He went from clowning around to being an angry, violent guy, dropped out, got into criming and drugs, served time in jail.  Eventually he did get sober and stayed that way, and he does hold down a job.  He even got married, to someone I had to insist never contact me because of her issues. 

Anyway, looking back on my childhood, growing up in that "family", it was very lonely and full of tension and unhappiness.  No warm connection or bonds among anyone.  I do envy siblings who have good relationships and who have a common understanding of their experiences, for the most part anyway.  My brother has never taken any interest in me or concern for me.  Definitely not the stereotypical protective "big brother."  He might not be malignant or a narcissist, but he is insular, completely uninterested and disengaged in the lives of everyone else, as far as I can tell.

The last 15 years or so I've been dealing with our mother as her health declined, handling her affairs.  Now that I'm closing out everything, I'm looking forward to handing my brother the remainder of what he's entitled to and hopefully ending contact permanently.

[Sunflower79]

looloo and bloomie,

Thank you from the bottom of my heart for responding with empathy and compassion.  It's nearly made me cry.  Thank you for sharing your experiences. Just knowing that I'm not alone in this situation has been heartening.

For so many years, time after time, I've reached out with my heart on my sleeve hoping that "this time" it will be different and as you can imagine, it never is.  I'm left with this awful empty feeling and wondering what I've done wrong- what I've said that could cause this reaction.  I see other people who have close and loving relationships with their siblings, and it just destroys me. To make matters worse, our parent who is living has cut contact with both of us in favor of their second spouse and their children.  I quite literally have not one family member of origin who cares for me at all.  I do have my own family now and they are a great comfort to me, but even in spite of that, it cuts me to my core.

The idea that my sibling likely has a PD is helpful in an intellectual sense.  I can logically reason why they behave the way they do, but the reality is that my heart doesn't yet understand.  I am hoping that with time it will become easier.

Thank you again looloo and bloomie, you've both helped immensely.