Name Calling

CataCat · January 31, 2026, 05:34:25 PM

My boyfriend calls me names like piggy. He has also called me other names, like slutty, after sex.

It's a newer relationship, and I have asked him to stop, I said I dont like it he said I am only carring on with you, he said he would stop but now and again he lets it slip out and then says, " Oops, I didn't mean to my wife that passed away knew I was carring on and didnt care if i said it.

I don't like it at all. I told him my brother called me names as a child, and I am sensitive to name-calling.

Any thoughts on this?

xredshoesx · February 01, 2026, 04:53:27 PM

welcome to the forum @CataCat

for me, name calling if you ask someone to stop and they don't, is never going to be ok.

asking someone to stop is the beginning of a boundary. what you choose to do next if it continues is up to you.

Do you think you are in relationship with someone who possibly has a personality disorder????

When you are ready to share more, we are listening.

MaxedOut · February 01, 2026, 05:04:00 PM

bloomie · February 05, 2026, 04:43:48 PM

Quote from: CataCat on January 31, 2026, 05:34:25 PMMy boyfriend calls me names like piggy. He has also called me other names, like slutty, after sex.

It's a newer relationship, and I have asked him to stop, I said I dont like it he said I am only carring on with you, he said he would stop but now and again he lets it slip out and then says, " Oops, I didn't mean to my wife that passed away knew I was carring on and didnt care if i said it.

I don't like it at all. I told him my brother called me names as a child, and I am sensitive to name-calling.

Any thoughts on this?

Welcome and I am glad you reached out.

A huge red flag for me is when someone, anyone, but especially an intimate partner, makes jokes at our expense or calls us demeaning names and when we tell them it is hurtful and disrespectful they use the excuse that they are only joking.

And what does that do? It puts the responsibility for their crap behavior on us instead of them taking ownership of it and knocking it off. What he did or did not call his deceased wife has nothing to do with the relationship he now has with you.

CataCat · February 08, 2026, 08:01:46 AM

:)thanks

CataCat · February 08, 2026, 09:42:20 AM

What about love slaps??? He randomly slaps my leg when I least expect it... doesn't hurt but doesn't feel right either... started lately to tell you the truth I am so hurt by every relationship I have had... I have worked on myself for years counseling etc... Art therapy meditation yoga... but to no avail end up with the same men what's wrong with me?

CataCat · February 08, 2026, 10:51:30 AM

I think it's an addiction? Curious do you feel the same?

blacksheep7 · February 09, 2026, 10:55:38 AM

Hi CataCat,

Can I relate ! I'm sorry you are going through this.

One of my ex's was the same, calling me a troll when I would wake up, because of my hair. It was big hair in the 80's. lol I mean, what a nice greeting. For me it was an insult. He also called me princess because I didn't like demeaning name calling. An alcoholic/jealous narcissist Of course that relationship didn't last more than ten years which was too much. People who have no respect for others have no accountability.

I've had my share of passive-aggressive jokes from my covertM and others, even in my family.
Coming from a dysfunctional foo and not having a good role model of a father, I always chose bad boys which more than not had issues.

I have a good husband today but I could tell you it took work on my part to not just settle.
Please don't put up with that.

Lookin 2 B Free · February 13, 2026, 07:32:59 PM

Yes. I've worked on this stuff for years, too. I did get past accepting that people who throw out hurtful names and comments, though seemingly offered in jest, especially when the person makes it sound like I'm too sensitive, are people I don't want in my life.

I was always called too sensitive, neurotic, and unreasonable for not accepting what I now think of as emotionally/ verbally abusive stuff, or, at minimum, hurtful stuff. That kept me "in line" for a very long time, because I got that story from FOO, from different partners, and so I accepted it as truth. I don't anymore.

One message I much later learned was really, really important was the message I was giving myself. If I stayed through that I was telling myself my feelings don't matter, that I deserve that kind of treatment, that other people's ideas about what is happening are more important than mine. All very disempowering and added to low self esteem.

When I don't abandon myself and instead stand up for myself and stop tolerating hurtful behavior, even if it does feel scary and hard to do, I am telling myself that I matter. That my ideas are just as valid as others' and are the most important when it comes to me. That I'm worth protecting from hurtful people and filling my life with kind, supportive people.

Those messages I give myself through my actions (not talking about just affirmations, but actions), are very powerful and have a pretty immediate effect on how I feel about myself.

Good luck. Let us know how you're doing!

xredshoesx · February 14, 2026, 09:03:06 AM

@CataCat nobody has the right to put their hands on you. in play, jest or otherwise.

CataCat · February 16, 2026, 07:19:15 AM

Thanks so much for all your advice!

CataCat · February 16, 2026, 07:33:10 AM

Hi there thanks I'm doing ok I also had a striving business until I met him, he promised me everything but manipulated me into giving him money to help him get on his feet because his wife died... la la la and the new wife is nuts, he said he was a builder and needed help, pretending to care about me, now I have to start all over plus leave! It shouldn't be like this! All the suffering... and empathy is a bad thing because of getting used...cold world today! Scary hope we all survive and find peace within ourselves!

Rebel13 · February 16, 2026, 01:27:05 PM

So sorry you are struggling with this. I hope you get yourself to a safe, free place where you can focus on yourself, what you want and need, for a while. I did that once upon a time, and after a period of working on my relationship with myself, my "picker" got a lot better and it was easier to take my time with new relationships.

Wishing you the best.

MaxedOut · February 16, 2026, 03:53:54 PM

Catacat, sorry all of this is happening to you. Echoing others that name calling and "playful" slaps are not OK. And not respecting your wishes after saying you don't like it is not OK (you aren't being sensitive).

The casualness of it even in the context of NPs is concerning to me. My ex was pretty abusive and unpredictable when disregulated or even just angry or frustrated. But if it was something meant to be playful and I said to stop, she would respect that (a lot could override her empathy... but she definitely cares about others).

This feels like pushing limits related to control, especially gIven what you said in the last post about manipulation and getting used early on.

I like the clarity of your last post. It seems like you are seeing some things that you may have been overly charitable in perceiving before. Leaving is a lot to deal with but as you say it's a newer relationship and sounds like he has "told you who he is" a number of times now.

Don't fall into the sunken cost fallacy and feel like you need to stay because of what you've given up - that just means giving up more. It sounds like he knows some buttons to push to leverage your empathy, so be prepared for issues to appear there.

If he has a history of filing legal actions, be sure to document stuff and do things within legal parameters (e.g., check local rental laws and your lease agreement if you share a leased home). You didn't mention anything like that, but his persona/treatment of you sounds like some folks I've seen who sue a lot as a way to make money or get their way.