Mom in final days, went to visit, sister physically assaulted me

[Blueberry Pancakes]

This is awful.

I have been VLC with my mom for a few years, and NC with my only sibling, her golden daughter, for seven years. 

Mom is in an assisted living facility. She has one friend who visits and on occasion has contacted me with concerns about my mother's physical status. Specifically, this friend has had concerns my sister, who has heath POA, has not been appropriately supporting our mother. It does not surprise me as I believed my sister only wanted POA for the control it could provide.
 
I went to see my mother a couple days ago with my husband thinking it might be the last time. My sister happened to be sitting there with her husband. My sister had a wreath from the front door in her hands and her husband was removing pictures from the wall as our mother was lying in bed sedated.

The mood was angry and hostile. I felt like my sister had claimed the space as her own, and I just ruined her party. My sister informed there was nothing for me to do since she had POA. I knew my last visit was ruined. I asked if they could please give mom the dignity of waiting a few days until they cleaned up.

My sister's husband belligerently told me they had plans and things needed to be moved out by the end of the month and now was the only time they could do it. I was appalled.   
       
Tension was rising. I took my phone out and began to record the audio. My sister and her husband laughed at me. I told them I wanted a record of the situation. I asked for us not to argue in front of our mother and I went into the hallway and they followed.

My sister was mocking me. She walked closer to me, raised her arm, hit my forearm and I dropped my phone. In the video, you can see her approach me, put her arm up, there is a blurry scuffle and the video ends.

I picked up my phone and started another recording. I told her she had just physically assaulted me. She laughed and said I made it all up and she did nothing to me.

I told her the situation was toxic and I was leaving. As my husband was following me down the hall, my sister's husband called for him to come back and talk to him. My husband ignored it and kept following me. They mocked him for leaving. 

Before I left the building, I filed an incident report with the Executive Director. I wanted to file a police report and perhaps get a PPO, but decided this was not the time and I needed a clear head. I have a paper trail and video record of the event.

I told a childhood friend about it, and she said she remembered my sister physically fighting with me as kids, but people always laughed about it. There is a history of physical aggression with my sister but I am calling it what it is - violence.

All of this occurred as our mothy lay dying. This is the worst of the worst and I do not even know how to put this in a place where I can have any peace about it. 

Thanks for reading.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm so very sorry this happened to you. It's truly awful behaviour from your sister and her husband on every level. I am surprised that the assisted living facility permitted them to start moving your mother's stuff out at that time. Maybe they did not know that was the plan but if you have not included this information in the incident report and if you have the emotional bandwidth it might be worth letting them know what behaviour they were facilitating towards someone in their care.

[walking on broken glass]

Blueberry pancakes, I am so sorry! This is truly awful and the same time so characteristic of the PD behaviour. You did so well to keep your cool and record the incident, without engaging with the bullies. I am so glad you had your husband with you and you weren't alone. It is so hard to allow yourself to be in touch with your emotions, when your sister interferes and does all in her power to upset you and antagonize you, while showing no respect for your mum's situation. I am really sorry.

[moglow]

@Blueberry Pancakes, it's hard enough with the relationship(s) as it/they are, even without the added emotions of her passing. For your sister to act out now of all times just makes it immeasurably worse and I'm sorry you're having to deal with that. And for them to be dismantling her room as she lay there ... beyond disrespectful.

For what it's worth, I've shared around here before that some of mother's finest "performances" were around the time of family members passing and funeral gatherings. She was bound and determined to make it all about her, regardless of the obvious that everyone has suffered a loss. In public she held tight control but the instant the family was behind closed doors she'd let loose. And I mean screeching toddler tantrums. I remember her telling us that we had no idea what it was like and we'd soon see [Daddy was going through cancer treatments at the time and not doing well at all]. As it turned out, we just pulled together and did what had to be done for Daddy, no huge meltdowns or demands for attention, no arguments or disagreements over who got what.]

All I know to tell you is minimize any interaction with your sister when she's like this. Don't respond other than walking away, it's just not worth the damage or the recovery time it takes for you. I'm sure you know how it is, she's gearing up to be the victim of it all - let her. I'm sure she realizes that once your mother is gone no one will put up with her stuff either. Ultimately you don't have to be part of her plan regardless, you can choose your own way of saying goodbye and grieving those relationships.

[Blueberry Pancakes]

Thank you, Narc, Walking and Moglow.

I agree with everything you said. What my mother's facility allowed under their watch is just one more straw added to the pile of misery.

Also, that it is so characteristic. That was why I asked my husband to go with me to provide support, a buffer, and a witness should anything happen.   
   
I am not surprised at all to know this sibling will use the situation for all the drama, victimhood, fuel and attention she can get out of it. 

The advice given, to minimize interaction and offer no response is best. Thanks.