How to Break NC

[gcj07a]

Hi friends,

I'm not sure if this is the right place for this thread, so please tell me if I need to move it.

I have been NC with uBPM for 6.5 years. It started out as a very temporary need for space, but I always said it would be temporary. Over the last 6.5 years I've made tremendous strides in my own mental health and in my spiritual journey (I'm very religious, but not a fundamentalist). I finally feel a super strong desire to initiate contact again. Putting aside whether this is the right call (let's assume for the sake of argument that it is), how do I approach her? She lives in a town 1.5 hours from me. She lives with my Sis (with whom I maintain normal contact). She and my F are divorced. Sis says she has "changed," but I strongly doubt it. I would not be resuming contact in order to get anything from her or to develop a close bond. It would be to make it much more possible to fully integrate my family into occasions with extended family, like funeral, holidays, weddings, etc. So, any suggestions for how to make the first move?

[Rebel13]

Hi there,

You say your mom lives with your sister. Would it be possible for you to include her in something you and your sister already do together? Something time limited, like going out for a meal perhaps? Where you could walk away if things were not going as you hoped?

Wishing you the best.

[bloomie]

gcj07a - I hope it is okay that I moved your post to the PD parents board for a better fit. 

I like Rebel's suggestion of starting slow and including your mom in something that is not one on one or a possibly high stress event like a wedding or family reunion type thing.

It seems like your expectations are managed and you are in a good place to more fully integrate your family into extended family occasions.