Strange behavior about job vs politics

[Prototypian]

My uOCPDw has always been incredibly smart and highly functioning.  When I say politics I mean that she is the politician.  She has been in elected roles at the city or school board or county level (non party affiliated) since the day after we got married over 30 years ago.  She has college and law degrees and graduated with honors across multiple majors.   She took a job about 10 years ago for 14 dollars an hour because it promised 100 percent flexibility to go to every political event in the area she represents and there is a lot (she never misses a meeting).   Over two years ago she chose to leave her elected position to strategize of campaigning for higher office.  In that time she decided to apply for a "real job" with a firm and got it.  What I'm watching right now is very strange.   She is right back to managing campaigns for others running for office.  When I say managing I mean hundreds of hours a week online, going to volunteer events and getting agitated.  She literally drives herself into despair and angry frustration about other people's campaigns.    Keep in mind this is outside of the national USA polarized politics.  This is local city council or school board.   I'm seeing her late getting out the door to her new job and staying up until the middle of the night angry and upset about how someone else is managing their campaign.  Except she is not running for anything.  And she has a job.  I understand passion about something but this seems to be such a tiny slice of life with all the other things that exist and impact the world

I wonder if anyone else's PD family or friends has this willingness to be addicted to some service or cause that it affects everything around them?

[bloomie]

Prototypian - It does seem like a tiny slice of life in the grand view of priorities and importance. Bearing witness to the amount of energy expended toward things/circumstances/outcomes that sound like they have limited impact in the world has to be hard. 

[SeaBreeze]

One reason I finally left was due to ex-uNPDh's descent into an extreme belief system. He began tailoring his life choices around these beliefs, from large purchases to which friends he made, to how he arranged our home, with eventual plans to move off-grid (which I was NOT interested in since he'd already moved us far away from my support system to isolate me.) It just finally hit me one day how much time, energy, and money he was devoting to a possible global-wide scenario that might happen, while he remained oblivious to the crumbling marriage right in front of him.

[Deborah]

Not sure it is the same. But granddad, dad, me and ex would all hyperfocus on things...at the cost of what is under our nose. Like family. To my shame.

Granddad and dad worked so much...that the family suffered. It was their job. But also their hobby. And the wife and children would beg for attention. When they said they were just having fun. It would go at the cost of important social things.

I think... I have special interests and special causes. I think it is neurodiversity as well as trauma related. I am not sure what causes it. I think the world feels scary and uncertain...and home feels scary and uncertain...and like something I cannot solve. And this is a way to box in my mind. Like one swaddles a baby. And feel like I am doing something useful to solve it (which I am not). Like I am doing good. It is also a way to flee from or freeze into a situation. Because I feel home is uncomfortable (most trauma there). And I cannot solve it.

Dad had zero selfreflection or empathy about it. I do. But it feels hard to drag myself away from. Because it calms or numbs my feelings. About a painful situation. Or uncertainy. Or stress. Like an alcohol addict. Or an autistic child that cannot switch away from their favourite game. And panics when you try switch activities. It does not feel like a choice.

Not sure if it is the same... but for me... it helps when someone helps me with it. By pointing to the damage. By helping me understand, feel and treat the underlying reasons. By cutting off some things....for me this is limiting internet use or news access. By making a planning with me. Planning activities together or planning homemaking...even doing it together. By re-focusing on what is under my nose. Make that more comfortable. Creating oversight. Like one would help a teen plan.

Does she reflect on it? Empathize? What are her reasons? Can she say what helps? Is there any aspergers? Is it a special interest? Or a flight/freeze instinct?

[1footouttadefog]

In the end what matters is not if it's pathological, but whether or not it works for you.