Unexpected email

[Associate of Daniel]

I just received an email from ds19's uNPD smother, telling me she's insisting on a separation from my ex and has changed the locks on him.

I'm so sad for my boy and worried about my ex.  I don't know where he is (ex), and he's estranged from his parents.

Thankfully ds is currently interstate.  Please, God, he'll come to live with me and not her.

Any advice on how to help my boy?

AOD

[square]

Why would him living with an ex-stepmother even be an option? Why wouldn't he live with his mother or father?

[Associate of Daniel]

As far as I know his uNPD father doesn't have anywhere to live as yet.

The uNPD smother is very manipulative and will pull out the stops to try to guilt ds away from me.  It's her standard practice.

AOD

[SeaBreeze]

With you no longer part of your ex's and the stepmother's focus in the PD cycle, it's not surprising they have now turned against each other. Just continue being the beacon of safety and sanity in your son's life. Your DS sounds like he's grown up to be an emotionally intelligent young man who can make the best decision on his own.

[Associate of Daniel]

Thanks, SeaBreeze.

I'm sad to say it's turned out exactly the way I thought it would.  I thought that their marriage wouldn't last, that she would end it and that they would wait until Ds was an adult. 

I did think they'd stick it out until they had been married longer than he and I were.  They're just a few months' shy of the mark.

It's early days though - they may still get back together.

I haven't yet been able to talk to DS.  He gets back tomorrow night and will be very tired from his trip. Going by his few texts, I think it's thrown him for a bit of a loop.

I feel so bad for him having to go through 2 marriage breakups of his Dad's.

It will be interesting to see if his observations of this breakup make him see the breakup of his dad's and my marriage in a different and more realistic light.  And hopefully he'll see his uNPD smother for who she is as well.

AOD

[moglow]

Why on earth would she send you this email? That in itself is just distasteful to me, smacks of gossipy wanting to drag you off into their business and compare notes or some such. It's not your business and doesn't involve you - it's not as if you and she were friends or there's something to be resolved between you. 

I'm sure your son has seen and heard plenty; he may see no need to talk about it at all. I'd go with that: if he wants to talk he and you can listen him off that ledge, with obv caveat that it's not your stuff to manage. 

[Associate of Daniel]

I realise there was not much detail in my original post.  Sorry.

The reason she reached out to me was that, her changing the locks on her husband (my uNPD exH), meant that ds also couldn't gain access.  I think she also has just decided ds shouldn't stay with her while the separation is in progress.  That surprises me - I assumed she'd continue to do everything she could to keep ds from me.

Anyway, more detail has come out.

Apparently an intervention was staged.  They're going to separate for 6 months while uNPD exH works on himself.  He's apparently temporarily living with his sister who, unbeknownst to me, divorced about 2 years ago, has repartnered and is now living a few streets away from uNPD ExH and his wife.

Ds came back from interstate and came straight to my place.  He went and retrieved more stuff from his Dad's the next day and has been in contact with him.  I was relieved about the contact as none of us knew where his dad was and we're worried for his mental health.

It's been a lot of info and emotion to process over the last week and I'm somewhat exhausted.  Ds is putting on a brave face.  He has been job hunting for a few months, both around my place and his Dad's (we live about an hour's drive from each other), with no success.  I think he's concerned that the size of his job net is now smaller, due to only having the one home to apply from.

Anyway, apart from the fact that I now have Covid, that's about it.  I've thankfully not had any contact from uNPD exH, nor any further contact from the uNPD smother.

AOD